When the Oxford English Dictionary coined the term ‘friend-zone’, that’s when we realized that shit was getting a little too real. Whether the definition is from the OED, Urban Dictionary, or a conversation with your closest homies, we all can agree on these things regarding the friend-zone:
1. It can be a noun or a verb.
2. It sucks being in it.
3. It sucks.
It seems simple enough though, right? You like someone, you feel like there are vibes, and then all of a sudden the person slips in a, “You’re like the bestest friend EVARRR” or a, “You’re like a bro dude” and it’s all downhill from there. The end.
Sigh. If only it were that easy. Girls tend to always complicate things, even things like the friend-zone. There has to be different levels to the friend-zone, different kinds of friend-zones; it’s just basically a nightmare and I as a woman apologize for the complications that we may cause. If you’re a woman reading this and looking at the computer screen saying, “You are so wrong. You’re the reason why guys think girls are so complicated because you make us sound like we’re crazy.”
…well you’re talking to a computer screen telling me you’re NOT crazy. But that’s for another time.
So what are these types of friend-zones? Well let me just break down my interpretations of them, and hopefully you’ll nod your head as you read this and agree with me, or become incredibly enlightened and understand relationships a whole lot better. Or maybe you’ll just talk to yourself (again) and tell me I’m wrong. Your call.
The first kind of friend-zone is the conventional friend-zone. The girl and guy meet and something sparks instantly. He’s cute or smart or something that just keeps the girl interested… until we find out that there’s something not absolutely perfect about him. Maybe he doesn’t laugh at every stupid joke you make, or maybe he lives with his mom… at age 28; WHATEVER, EITHER WAY, a marriage with 2.5 children, a Siberian Husky, and a four story house in the city is not looking bright in your future. Thus, you break out the whole, “Maybe we should just be friends! I just don’t think I’m ready for anything serious, but you’re awesome.” Of course, there has to be some type of connection between the two, or else instead of getting friend-zoned, he’ll just get benched for good.
That seems simple enough, right? Yeah, too bad there’s more.
The next kind of friend-zone involves the girl living in a soap opera. She calls herself “damaged goods” or “broken” or “complicated” and refuses to try to involve herself with a guy, a guy who is probably decent or has a great personality and actually just wants to give it a try. She high key doesn’t want to hurt the guy or drag the guy into her complicated life mess, but she low key just has awkward commitment issues and doesn’t want to try anything in fear that it won’t work out and that it’s just going to be another mess that she needs to be added to her damaged, broken list of mistakes. Sigh. Life is so hard for her. This usually leads to her friend-zoning the guy, as she is trying to just protect him from getting involved with someone so0o Br0KeNn, but it leaves the guy confused and wondering why she won’t just yolo this and let things just happen. This results in a friendship that probably will turn into an endship because it just won’t make sense anymore.
Then we have those girls who like to friend-zone guys up front, thinking that it’ll just make everything easier in the long run. She meets a nice guy and she doesn’t even want to try going for him because she wants to make sure that whatever happens in the future, they stay good friends. She is not down to ruin a friendship by trying to work out the chemistry that may or may not exist, so don’t even look for your lab manual with this one. She doesn’t want guys to think that she’s trying to hit on them, and she just wants to be the homie. Also, she puts the friend-zone out there up front because she low key doesn’t want to think about the idea that she might actually have a crush on him, and the feeling may not be mutual; THE FEELING OF REJECTION IS NOT A GOOD ONE. She thinks she’s saving herself from heartbreak or embarrassment, which may be true. Or may not be true at all. But because of this friend-zone practitioner, we’ll never know…
And finally, there’s the strategic friend-zoner. She likes to charm guys with her wit and personality, but totally in a completely friendly matter… until the guy starts to fall for her. Then, the guy will not be able to contain it any longer and tell her how he feels, to which she will feel awfully flattered, but instead of reciprocating the response, will just stay friends for the sake of the great friendship they have.
…and she secretly likes to know that someone finds her attractive for her personality. This could get messy; some girls can be brats and keep these guys around for constant affirmation, and that’s when you know that the girl is a bitch. Beware.
And yeah, guys friend-zone girls all the time, but it’s not that complicated with them. It’s either:
1. Let’s just be friends girl.
2. Let’s just be friends girl but I’m going to call you for the booty and if you say yes then that’s your fault.
These concepts somehow all tie together into the whole marvelous idea of being friends first before getting into a relationship because girls ultimately want their boyfriends to be their best friends. Too bad girls are too complicated and not acting like team players to actually achieve this idea. If they keep this up, there won’t be any more friends in their zone and they’ll just be a-lone.