Dear Mr. Bruin,
It’s been a long four years at this beautiful ass school. I’ve dated some really shitty guys, and some really fun guys, and some really dumb guys that don’t even go here. I’ve let guys fall through the cracks. I’ve been oblivious to some great guys, and I’ve chased after ones that didn’t deserve it. I’ve had rough times, but I’ve also had my fun, and now I look back at the four years that I’ve completed, and look at the less than seven weeks that I have left at this campus.
So where are you, Mr. Bruin? Where are you hiding? Have I already met you, passed you, locked eyes with you, let you go? Or are you sitting in the back row of my classroom, that class that is so irrelevant to my life but I’m only taking to fulfill a GE because I thought it was a genius idea to save GE’s for the end of your senior year ‘for funsies’. Are you at the frat parties I never go to? Are you in the parking lots on my team where I practice nightly? Mr. Bruin, are you that best friend I’ve talked to late at night about girl problems with? Or are you perhaps that ex who was too needy for my likings? Where… no, WHO are you?
And whoa whoa whoa, let’s back up here. Don’t read through this with the hashtag running through your head of #THIRST, and no, don’t tell me the whole ‘you’ll find love when you stop looking’ because I’m not asking for advice. I’m just simply asking where the hell my Bruin is.
Why do I want to find a guy before I graduate, preferably at this school? Just hear me out. My logic is this:
When else in your life are you going to be surrounded by people who have the same type of drive as you? Obviously everyone at this school is different – everyone in the world is different – but what unites us all is that application process that we all went through. We all excelled in high school with our extra curricular activities and excellent grades with that 2309482.0 GPA and those killer personal essays that took 5ever to do. One way or another, we got into this school, and we STAYED in this school for years and years; it’s hard to reach success, but it’s even harder to stay successful. Completing college at a top university is a feat in itself, but with all the diversity and individualism at this school, it’s even more intriguing. Where else are you going to find people with similar qualities of motivation? Where else will you find the top scholars or athletes or Quidditch players? Where else will you find a guy who takes mollies on the weekends at music festivals but is pre-med and just got into Harvard for grad school? After college, that Olympic sized pool of eligibles bachelors and bachelorettes will grow smaller, smaller, and smaller, until you’re sitting cross legged in a kiddie pool about 2 feet deep.
I don’t want to be sitting in that damn kiddie pool.
And sure, everyone says that I am being foolish, that there are plenty of other places to find a significant other after college: work, bars, coffee shops, clubs. But listen, I don’t want to find my true love at a bar. What the hell is that.
Oh how did we meet? Well one night, I got off work and I really needed a drink so I went to the bar down the street at had a few beers… and some shots. I was hitting on every girl I saw in the room, and finally, out of my squinted eyes and slightly fuzzy vision, I saw you walk into the room. You and I were both inebriated, and we shared drunken laughs, and somehow it was love. And here we are, getting married.
Yeah okay I don’t know about you but I’m not feeling a ‘happily ever after’ resulting from that.
And I can’t date in the work place, that’s just frowned upon on so many levels. Though people may think that work would be ideal to find a significant other because you have same interests in career paths (clearly), well what about that whole like ‘opposites attract’ thing? How can you expect me to find someone with different interests, or someone who can show me new things and different views and perspectives… when we work in the same department doing the same things?
So, Mr. Bruin, I’m coming for you. Because you are something I need. You have that motivation and determination, you have the ability to open my mind, you… party hard and study harder. There’s like a 90% chance that you actually have a future, and if you follow me on Instagram, you would know that I think financial stability is sexy. I’ve listed all of my reasons as to why I need you, so find me. We have less than 7 weeks. I’ll be waiting ever so patiently.
– Jane Bruin.