As the weather gets colder (or for us in California, finally goes below 85 degrees [no not the bakery]), we find ourselves wanting to Netflix and chill,
but like actually.
However, there’s something about our generation that loves romanticizing fall and winter.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, exhale.
Maybe you’re smelling your caramel brulee latte as the warmth of the paper cup lays smoothly against your hand, almost burning your fingers because you forgot to get a warming sleeve.
Or maybe you’re pulling your covers up close to your face as you beg yourself to sleep for 5 more minutes because your bed is warm and comfy and being an adult sucks.
Or maaaybe you’re scooching your booty on over to your (wo)man in the morning to be a super cute little spoon and— HEY WHATS UP HELLO THERE.
Christina, that last part isn’t relevant to me bc I’m #5evralone ugh so insensitive~
Let’s pause here.
Why is it that when November and December arrive, we suddenly feel it necessary to find a significant other? We are conditioned to feel the realness of cuffing season, of having a bae, of cuddling and drinking hot chocolate in bed. However, there are plenty of pros and cons to having a (wo)manfriend during the holidays, so cheer the fuck up.
PROS of being holi-bae’d up,
aka cons of doing the single bell rock.
You actually can Netflix & chill/I-max & climax.
All of those fantasies of you and bae cuddling up romantically under the goose down sheets, watching a movie on your computer that you’ve watched 421 times, and comfortably nuzzling your head underneath his arm are actually a reality. ChristMUSTBENICE.
Mistletohhhhyes pls + 1-800-HOTLINE-RING IN THE NEW YEAR.
One thing you don’t have to worry about is the awkward encounters that might ensue throughout the holidays if you were single. What if you’re under some cilantro taped to the doorway and you make eye contact with the creepy guy from high school who grew up to… still be creepy, if not creepier? Or what if you go to a rave/concert on NYE and, though you and your bestie promised to kiss each other when the ball dropped, she randomly found a boo at 11:14pm and now you are looking around, hugging yourself, and snapchatting everything in order to forget how alone you are?
These may just seem like mistle-anneous events, but they can hurt when the time comes, sigh.
Presence aka Presents tbh.
This may be materialistic but yolo? MORE GIFTS FOR YOU.
And I guess you get to search for that one perfect gift in hopes of putting a smile on your SO’s face, and that satisfaction is indescribable!
Unless you don’t know your SO at all and you get him/her a shitty gift (pls refer to my Instagram post).
In regards to presence though, you do have someone to rely on, to lean on, to stabilize you physically and emotionally. The holidays often bring out the best in some, but the worst in most others, and it’s hard to really cope with it alone. It’s hard to become vulnerable and let these problems holi-faze you, but with a SO, at least you have someone to vent to when your family is driving you absolutely insane.
Alright alright, so what about the single folk? Are there honestly any pros of being alone during this cold, cold season? When is it too early to whip out the electric blanket + body pillow?
PROS of being single and ready to jingle some bellz
aka cons of being someone’s Santa Baby.
TREAT YO SELF.
We’re all young and poor as fuck (unless you’re not, to which I say, “Hey, let’s be friends.”). Though the gift of giving is rewarding, let’s be real — I’d rather not spend money if I don’t have to. When you’re single, the only person you have to care about is yourself.
And your family.
And your friends.
If they haven’t been naughty.
Which is unlikely so fuck them.
You can be naughty AND nice.
Baby it’s cold outside, and if you’re a player player, there’s no shame in your holi-game. You can literally cuddle with anyone who’s down (hopefully someone’s down or else this is kind of sad/please don’t be creepy).
You can carry around mistletoe in your pocket and use that as a flirting technique, and you can also use NYE to kiss that special someone…
and by special someone I obviously mean that girl 4 feet away from you who you started making eyes at around 11:01pm at the rave you’re at.
Yeah, don’t act like ya’ll don’t empathize with the #PLURlyfe ok.
#NoNewFriends (or Family)
Family + holidays = weird. Either your family is super lax or is super traditional.
With that come the arguments, the discussions, the “compromises” that honestly leave no one happy. If you’re in a serious relationship where your family knows your SO, are they expecting both of you to come over on Christmas day? But what if his family celebrates Christmas day, and not Christmas Eve, and they need you there? What if they usually don’t celebrate Christmas day but this year might be one of her great aunt’s last Christmases and it is absolutely mandatory to go?
Babe, we can just go separately because I know I have to go to my family and you have to go to yours.
Scrooge, there it is.
Sorry that subtitle was a bit of a stretch. Disregard it.
Anyway, imagine this:
It’s December 4th. You and your SO have a fight, but it’s not just any fight. You guys have been bickering for a while now, and you had a huge argument during Thanksgiving. Luckily, you both cooled off since then, but the little things are ticking you off. Finally, she snaps, and you guys realize that it’s over — it’s been over for a while now, but this break up is for real.
You spend a week telling yourself that you’re fine, trying to occupy your time with your friends and family. You’re lying in bed on the 14th and you remember the gift you got her. What the hell are you going to do with it?
It’s cold and raining on the 19th, and you are really in the mood to cuddle. No one’s home and she lives only 14 minutes away and she just tweeted “#cuddleweather”. No, no you can’t. You guys are done.
It’s 10:12pm on Christmas Eve. Should you text her? It’s only right to do so; you were dating for a year now, and to become strangers after having talked to each other every day is absurd.
merry christmas eve. miss yo-
*delete, delete, delete*
merry christmas. tell your family i say hello.
It’s 11:20pm. Nothing.
It’s 12:12am. Nothing.
Check Instagram. She posted a photo of her Christmas tree.
Merry Christmas everyone! So glad to have held onto those in my life who truly mean something to me.
Your heart is broken. You question everything. As the wise Kanye once said,
How could she be so heartless?
From this day forward, every Christmas is jaded for you with the thought of heartbreak. The cold weather reminds you of what you used to be, and the Christmas presents remind you of what isn’t there anymore.
I’m not discouraging anyone from seeking love during the holidays. However, studies have shown that break ups happen most frequently in March and in December (I read it on twitter so obvi it’s true).
When you have heart break and emotional tragedy, it’s terrible and painful.
When you have heart break and emotional tragedy during the holidays, it’s somehow 14 times more painful and terrible, as you ache and feel this every single year. The crisp winter air brings back the horrible memories, the smell of gingerbread makes you put your walls up in memory of how they were demolished a few years back because you decided to be vulnerable.
Things. Just. Ache. More.
…ok so that just got very real so I will distract you with some real responses from real people that I randomly messaged on Facebook one night.
Tis the season to be cuffing: would you rather be cuffed or single right now (please explain):
“hm cuffed cuz it’s cold and my blankets aren’t cutting it.”
“Lol oh geez! I’ve personally been in like a sort of limbo in between the two. I’m not really looking for anything, but the single life has its draining moments and is becoming less appealing to me. The holiday season has kind of made being ‘cuffed’ a bit more desirable though. I can’t explain why though. Not because I don’t want to! I just can’t put it into words lol
I feel like a lot of people tend to crave being cuffed around this time too because everything about the holidays becomes a bit more romanticized by basically everyone lol. Whether it’s like commercials showing couples sitting down with family for Thanksgiving or ice skating together in the city or anything like that lol”
– J. J. R.
“I feel like it’s cuffing season cuz people are scared to be alone. I like to be on my own, and I’m definitely not in a place where I can be concerned or responsible for another person. That being said, I would like someone to share holiday times with and cuddle and do all that cute shit….
I mean so I guess single? By definition? I’d like to be AROUND someone as opposed to WITH someone… If we have to put it into terms. Cuffed is too real right now…
But I mean hooking up is fun too *kanye shrug*”
– J. M. K.
“I would love to be cuffed. Blindfolded. Naked. Jk. Maybe. Idk. With cuddle weather upon us, my desire to grow and connect with another is sparked once again. I’m honestly tired of casual things and feel like actually really getting to know someone on an intimately deep level. And although it’s not too much of a pressure, it does kinda suck not having a sig-oth to simp about during the holiday season. *takes long swigs of whiskey at family parties to drown the loneliness*.”
– J. L.
“i would rather be cuffed right now
it’s cold, it’s rainy
my brain automatically programs to desire companionship
notably on top of a mattress covered in 2000 threat count egyptian cotton sheets
also, started working full time so i have much less interaction with friends/those still in college, and would like to come home to bae.”
– G. W.
“i wanna be single cause i dont think i met the right person yet?¿
also financial advantages cause tis the season to save $ amirite”
– J. A. K.
“hello! I would rather be single since I’ve been single already anyways, and cuffing sounds dangerous and unpredictable
haha explain… like do you has any pros of singleness during cuffing? slash why do you think it’s dangerous and unpredictable. literally everyone thus far has said cuffing. you’re the first to say single so help meh understand ~~~
HAHA bc I wasn’t sure if you meant in like a kinky way or going to jail but I would still prefer not to be cuffed bc I’m not really into being restrained. but not really sure if there’s any pros to being cuffed while being single
NO LIKE NEITHER KINKY NOR JAIL
like you know
like having a bae
when it’s cold
in the holiday season
This is what happens when you’ve been single too long
you have made my night
thank you so much
you dont even have to answer the question”
– D. N.
If you’re happily taken, please enjoy the holidays and make memories and don’t fight and I wish you both Amazon Prime & commitment longer than eight nights of Hannukah.
If you’re single, please do not feel sorry for yourself at all because dwelling in your pain and sorrow of being 5ever alone is literally going to do nothing for you. When in doubt, just think of all the bad, heartbreaking memories you’re not making! Ho ho HOOO YES. Go out, be jolly, and #SLAAAAY.
Or, because it’s December, #SLEEEIIIIGHHHH.