Small Talk

Small Talk 002: Motivation

An entry in my journal on May 17th, 2016:

"I'll keep this as succinct as possible, but lately, I've been very unmotivated.

Tasks that I should be able to complete effortlessly are put off until 'tomorrow' — 'tomorrow' defined as a black hole in time I use as a definitive excuse.
Tasks that require a lot of effort are reacted to with a sigh, followed by a click onto Facebook as I refresh my feed in an attempt to refresh my mind.

Due dates are not as demanding to me as they once felt; my mind wanders off into daydreams about when I'm due for my next dinner date instead.

I haven't been succeeding,
I haven't been failing,
I haven't been trying.

It's unfortunate that I'm currently in this state of mind when I hadn't even planned to travel; if anything, I'd rather roam to an island of inspiration or even to a continent of confidence."

 

 

After writing this entry, I looked at my syllabus at all the things that were days, even weeks past due. Granted, there were limitations that had stopped me from keeping to my schedule, but for the most part, it was me.

I had stopped moving.

I had stopped caring, I had stopped trying, and I had stopped thinking of the consequences of my actions because I wasn't taking any action to begin with.

With this realization, I couldn't even recognize myself, and that left an unsettling feeling. I had never been this unrecognizable version of myself, nor had I ever have a desire to feel, and with that,

I realized it was time to get my shit together. 

Keeping this as short as the "previews" all of my favorite SoundCloud tracks have now become, I want to let you know that you are the only person who can push yourself, who can change yourself, and who can motivate yourself. It isn't about your parents, your significant others, or a stranger's sad story you've stumbled upon on Facebook.

Though they are supportive, they are not the ones who can physically and mentally incite change within you. You may count on others here and there, but you should rely on yourself consistently.

So get that through your head and start doing shit.

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4 thoughts on “Small Talk 002: Motivation

  1. Anonymous says:

    I hope you have since been able to rekindle that motivation, and have taken the necessary steps towards getting your shit together. Have you tried SMART goals? Google it. It can be a tool for you to use to get to where you want to go. If you put genuine effort into it, it is a robust, accountable system for you clearly delineate the pathway to your goals. That’s just a suggestion though. In general, I hope you take the time to self-assess and get back to finding your motivation.

    Sometimes it doesn’t come on like a light. Sometimes you have to wade through a lot of darkness just to find a dim light. But when you find it, pursue it with honest intent. I know you enough to know that you’re hilariously creative, and you’ve got plenty of time left to work towards being the person you have the potential to be.

    -MP

    • i will very much so google SMART goals because it sounds like an intelligent plan of action (hah get it). as for rekindling the motivation, after this post, i definitely had a talk with myself, as most people do who are mad. and i 200% agree with finding light in the darkness, no matter how bright that light may be. i think it’s the idle wait time that enhances the lack of movement in my life, and that’s the terrible part.

      ty ty ty for the words.

get vulnerable.