An entry in my journal on May 17th, 2016:
"I'll keep this as succinct as possible, but lately, I've been very unmotivated.
Tasks that I should be able to complete effortlessly are put off until 'tomorrow' — 'tomorrow' defined as a black hole in time I use as a definitive excuse.
Tasks that require a lot of effort are reacted to with a sigh, followed by a click onto Facebook as I refresh my feed in an attempt to refresh my mind.
Due dates are not as demanding to me as they once felt; my mind wanders off into daydreams about when I'm due for my next dinner date instead.
I haven't been succeeding,
I haven't been failing,
I haven't been trying.
It's unfortunate that I'm currently in this state of mind when I hadn't even planned to travel; if anything, I'd rather roam to an island of inspiration or even to a continent of confidence."
After writing this entry, I looked at my syllabus at all the things that were days, even weeks past due. Granted, there were limitations that had stopped me from keeping to my schedule, but for the most part, it was me.
I had stopped moving.
I had stopped caring, I had stopped trying, and I had stopped thinking of the consequences of my actions because I wasn't taking any action to begin with.
With this realization, I couldn't even recognize myself, and that left an unsettling feeling. I had never been this unrecognizable version of myself, nor had I ever have a desire to feel, and with that,
I realized it was time to get my shit together.
Keeping this as short as the "previews" all of my favorite SoundCloud tracks have now become, I want to let you know that you are the only person who can push yourself, who can change yourself, and who can motivate yourself. It isn't about your parents, your significant others, or a stranger's sad story you've stumbled upon on Facebook.
Though they are supportive, they are not the ones who can physically and mentally incite change within you. You may count on others here and there, but you should rely on yourself consistently.
So get that through your head and start doing shit.