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Nature vs. Keeping it in Your Pants

The radio stations in LA love to discuss relevant topics attributed to our lives as young 20 something year olds who are just trying to be Snapchat famous (follow me @ KIKIII). A topic they constantly converse over is cheating in a relationship, aka my

favorite
topic
EVER
.

One day, they were discussing whose fault it was in the relationship if someone cheats. and one of the males on the station claimed that

it’s the woman’s fault in the relationship if he cheats. The woman should be keeping herself looking good for her man, so if she starts losing momentum (i.e. doesn’t go to the gym anymore, doesn’t put on make up, etc.), it’s in his nature to find someone else who will look good for him. 

And then I got into an accident.

Just kidding. But I was ready for this ‘radio personality’ to get his ca-rear ended immediately.

A relationship involves two individuals working together to achieve personal, physical, and mental goals.

“It’s in our nature” is not justifiable for cheating.

“It’s in our nature” is a phrase that provides an expiration date on your current relationship.
“It’s in our nature” is a string of words that clearly reflects upon your character in a relationship, as well as your values as a human being.
“It’s in our nature” is a sorry excuse for an action that is more than preventable.

I think what really bothered me the most is the fact that the phrase connoted to the inevitability of this action; he was basically saying that if you don’t keep up with your appearance,

However, last I checked, we were all adults (kind of), and could make our own decisions in life. I’m quite positive that I acquired a few skills upon my adolescent youth, including (but not limited to):

  • Self discipline
  • Respect for others
  • Self control

By proclaiming that it is in your nature to cheat is stating that you are just waiting for your significant other to fuck up so you can do what you want, guilt free! However, is it not possible for you to fight this reflex and instead reflect on your actions?

 

In conclusion,

If it’s in your nature to cheat on someone because they’ve seemingly given up on how they look or feel about themselves,

it’s going to be in my nature to punch you in the throat.

The next time you begin to blame your significant other for lacking interest in his or her physical/mental state, start by questioning the motives behind those actions. Have you ever considered the fact that maybe your s.o. doesn’t see you as something to work hard for anymore?

Oops.
Did I just help you realize that you’re not natur-all that and a bag of chips?

My b.

Standard

5 thoughts on “Nature vs. Keeping it in Your Pants

  1. Anonymous says:

    Disagree with the male. It’s usually not about finding someone better, so much as it is just finding someone new. Sad but true =/ Think about all the high-profile infidelities of powerful men, e.g. Kobe, Arnold, etc. Their mistresses are usually leagues below their wives.

    Here, Coquette is talking about open relationships, not infidelities, but the idea is the same: “If your boyfriend could regularly fuck other women on your level, you wouldn’t be his girlfriend. He’d be in a relationship with someone above your level, and he’d dip down and fuck women on your level to satisfy his open relationship sport-fucking needs.

    That’s one of the differences (and double standards) that exist between men and women in open relationships. Men tend to fuck below their partner’s level, and women tend to fuck on or above their partner’s level. (If you’re asking yourself “why?” in both instances, the answer is “because they can.” It’s merely the path of least resistance for all parties involved.)”
    http://dearcoquette.com/on-the-realities-of-an-open-relationship/

  2. Anonymous says:

    Adding to the first comment here…

    “That’s the sad thing for women,” he says afterward, shaking his head. “You can’t be perfect enough for a man not to want to cheat.”

    Strauss, Neil (2015-10-13). The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships (Kindle Locations 6989-6990). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

    • Do you think that psychology of finding someone new is something you can fight? If someone were interesting enough, or you were able to exercise self control? Or is it inevitable?

  3. Chris says:

    I think when we are all single male and females we do everything to better ourselves i.e. Work, school, physical appearance, mentally, etc. any new relationship is new and exciting, but as time goes on its our nature to get complacent. We get comfortable and lose focus on ourselves but instead go on cruise control.

    Like you said Christina it’s up to both parties to put in equal effort to make the relationship work and last. It’s a conscious decision on both parties to snap out of the norm to keep the passion going. There’s many stages of love and I think that people now a days get caught up in the whole being in love stage and once that stage passes I think they feel like the relationship is dead. In some cases yes if you’re fighting all the time, if it causes verbal, physical harm then yes get out of that ASAP. But if it’s because your bored or feel the other person is t trying as much. Then it’s time to get back to basics and talk about it.

    The game goes both ways it’s often said that “they should know”, know what? Know what the hell in thinking or what I’m feeling. If I was able to do that then I’d be very rich.

    From personal experience being older and some what wiser, I’ve experienced the different stages of love. Being in a relationship for almost two years I’ve fallen out of love with my gf but we are still together and I ask myself why is it that I’m feeling his way? What happened? At first it was because I felt being held down I felt resentment that I stopped going to the gym stopped hanging out with some of my friends, couldn’t go out and party like I use to.

    And yes I was guilty of just assuming that she should know that something was up and that she should fix it, make me fall in love with you again damnit. But you know one night as I was laying next to her as she slept I began to really feel awful, how could I stop loving someone as caring, sincere, loyal as her? This person that leaves for work every morning and gives me a kiss before she leaves and comes home and greets me like she hasn’t seen me in weeks. The only person that listens to how hard work can be and has my back no matter what the situation. How blind and selfish am I. At that moment I realized that I do love this woman. That love isn’t just a feeling you feel for someone it’s a state of being.

    See the problem I had was that I was scared, I was scared that maybe I wasn’t gonna be good enough I was afraid that she was getting bored with me. Bottom line I was afraid of the fork in the road. Many times I’ve asked myself is this it? Am I settling? What if we get married and it doesn’t work?

    I think that’s what’s natural. Fear is the worst thing to carry. It fuels hatred, violence and infidelity.. (I’m sure a lot of other things) I made the conscious decision to let go of the fear and get back to what’s in front of me. Not run around and try to reaffirm my masculinity by breaking my commitment and her trust by cheating.

    Sorry for the rant.. I’ve had a lot on my mind.

    So yeah we have a choice.

    The guy on the radio is just ignorant when he says its in our nature, he fails to realize that humane nature is to find a mate reproduce, nurture and provide for one another.

    The things he mentions and points out just shows how shallow and empty his life is. And you make a good point, pointing out maybe she stopped going to the gym and fixing herself up because she lost interest and that you are no longer worth the time to get all fixed up for anymore. Which means it took him that long to realize when she has already been checked out long before.

    • I saw your comment when I was out of the country last week and I wanted to make sure I was able to respond to it when I was sitting down and had an ample amount of time and energy to invest into reading, understanding, and letting what you said sink in. As I’m sitting in my room on a chair, having showered and wearing a face mask as “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” is mumbling in the background, I read your comment and I absolutely disagree with everything you said.

      Just kidding.
      That would have been a terrible plot twist.

      I love what you said, especially giving me your own anecdote on the situation. Are you still with your lady friend right now? It sounds like you’ve gone through the fuckery that males my age are currently going through; I’m surrounded by the selfish fuckboys at the moment who are kind of growing up and realizing that they have feelings that need to be cared for longer than a blowjob can, haha. However, obviously there are some males – like the guy on the radio – who have yet to reach that part of their lives. Hopefully it’s in their futures.

      Just to kind of play a devil’s advocate super mildly…

      You mentioned you having thought about how you didn’t love your girlfriend anymore and then one day realizing that you were being selfish because she loved and cared for you so much. With that, do you think that your renewed realization for your love relied on the fact that you loved her because she did things for you? You fell back in love because you realized that she made YOU feel happy, and YOU felt SELFISH because you didn’t appreciate that. What about the chemistry? If someone cares for you deeply and kisses you every day before they leave and then welcomes you as if they hadn’t seen you in ages, would that keep you interested in any other person?

      Take that with a grain of salt, for sure.

      I’m totally just asking to pick at your brain; I believe that your relationship and your epiphany is fantastic and everything a girl/guy could ask for 🙂

get vulnerable.