Over Thinking

Over Thinking 002: Confidence, Trusting the Journey, & Not Being a Fuckboy

If you haven't familiarized yourself with the Over Thinking series, click here to do so.

Let's think over together!

Sometimes I find it easier to speak about my true feelings online. No one that I know is around to see it. I feel like it’s a burden on my friends just to lay down all this junk that I’m carrying in my heart, it’s a burden for them to take time away from what they are doing to help me back up. When you’re talking online it’s almost an automatic answer from someone who doesn’t know you to comfort you and give you a false hope.

Your first two sentences are basically the whole reason why I started my Live Journal/Xanga/Tumblr/Wordpress. And absolutely, talking online gives you an instant relief in the form of an anonymous response or even in the form of a simple "sigh" because you at least got to let it out. However, if your friends make you feel like your problems/thoughts/feelings are burdensome to them, then maybe you need new friends. Friends are supposed to be there for you regardless, not when it's convenient. 

 

Hi there! Just dropping by to let you know that you are an amazing dancer 

Thank you kindly! I'm sad I don't get to dance as much anymore, but I also feel the most comfortable now more than ever when I dance, so I'm glad it's starting to become recognizable.

 

I love your confidence! whats your tips on being so comfortable in your own skin

Some call it "confidence" while others call it "being really annoying" — others being me, lol. Honestly, I'm not 100% comfortable with everything about myself, but my laziness overpowers the insecurities; criticizing yourself constantly and putting yourself down takes a lot of energy, and I'd rather put that energy towards something else (like eating). 

 

Ex left me for an ex part 2? Even after a dating hiatus of 9+ years. I did no wrong on both. Idk how to feel or what to do… Fvck Me!

…I think you are trying to say that 2 of your previous significant others left you for their exes, right? You know what's really important? Complete sentences. Anyway, it sounds to me like you're choosing the wrong people, so start by choosing the right ones (easier said than done, obviously). OR look to be someone's FIRST relationship; that way, they can't go back to their ex because they don't have one. You're welcome.

 

What’s the dirtiest sexual thing you’ve done with a guy?

Damn I didn't know we were on formsping right now?!!?!!?

    
Christina, first of all before I get all vulnerable on you I just wanna say that you’ve turned into my favorite person ever (via social media – I’ve never found anyone that I was actually so fond off or felt like I could relate to so like ily) okay okay cool now that that’s settled and because I love everything you have to say (you replied to two comments of mine and I literally LOL’d and your advice was great so thank youu) I’m gonna get all up in my feels for a min.

I’m starting university in two weeks – I’m honestly freaking out, not because of all the commitment that comes with it, the studying, the new people… No, none of that. I’m freaking out because I feel super uncomfortable with myself. I started going to the gym about 5 months ago and all was good, raised my muscle mass by 20% and dropped a decent amount of body fat but I’ve gained weight (which I know might be due to the muscle mass – my trainer said so too and said she was impressed) and I’ve been on the pill for the same amount of months so I’m paranoid af that that too has something to do with it – sure you’ve heard of the horror stories ugh. I want to lose weight. I wanna feel comfortable in my skin but I fear staying on the pill could keep increasing the weight but maybe thats just my paranoia and i’m not at all down to get pregnant right now to stop taking it or any other form of BC. I just don’t know what to do, bc has also helped with my acne and cramps and I’m so sure that even models or all those #fitspo chicks are on bc and don’t put on weight because they exercise so I should be able to drop the pounds too but I’m still just so terrified. I’m also scared because I feel like I don’t have any good outfits, I feel horrible in all my clothes except some but still not good enough and I feel like I’ll be judged. My stress levels are so high right now with juggling my dumb af paranoia, my anxiety, lack of self-confidence and trying to find a job asap because money is needed since I really want to move out or be able to afford to go out during uni or w/e else might need to be done.

Anonymous, you are too kind. Now let's delve into your feels. 

Ok well I hate when people patronize me at any point in life (i.e. when someone in college is like, "Trust me, high school isn't hard," or when someone who graduated is like, "Trust me, college isn't hard," like ok fuck off), so I just want to give you this piece of advice that I feel like I would have wanted to know starting college: you're going to learn to get comfortable with yourself. It's weird, it's organic, it's natural, and it happens. You've just got to put your trust in the journey and the bigger picture, instead of getting flustered in the little problems. It's awesome to want to be healthy and fit, but don't let a pound or two get you down and freak you out. TRUST. THE. JOURNEY. But regarding the birth control, I personally don't take it but I too have heard of the horror stories, which is one of the main reasons why I don't take it — I know that it'll be just my luck that the BC that every girl gets boobs/clear skin from will give me acne and make me gain weight, so I'm taking a hard pass on that chance. And just know that everyone's bodies are differents, and every BC is different, so everyone will have different reactions. You can always try new pills or new forms of BC to see what's right for you; don't always trust that what makes one girl skinny will affect you in the same way. 

Now about the whole outfit situation; if you're going to a university similar to the ones in the States, please know that sweat pants, socks, and sandals are all acceptable forms of an #ootd. Seriously. College is a place where people ride scooters to class and nap LITERALLY ANYWHERE. Don't worry about your outfits; you'll find inspiration and style soon enough. 

Lastly, I think getting a job is a great idea BUT if it's a side job that is affecting your stress levels and studies, and if you're not good at managing your time, then maybe it's not such a great idea for your first year! It's good to challenge yourself and be self-sufficient, but you need to know what you can handle mentally. 

You'll have so much fun. I'm jealous.

 

I’ve slept with a friend (let’s call her E) a few times and we both agreed we could be friends with benefits. This was also discrete from our friends.
Few weeks later one of my closest friend told me he liked E and got shut down by her. I couldn’t bring it up that I’ve been sleeping with E.
E also spoke up about it to me the next day.
I talked to E and told her the logical action would be to stop being friends with benefits with E at this point because I feel bad for my friend.
Few days go by and E tells me she has feelings for me. I told her straight up I can’t give her a yes or no answer if these feelings are mutual I’m confused if it’s lust or love. I haven’t caught the feels for anyone since my last relationship 3 years ago.
Now I’m overseas on vacation and I’m not even thinking of finding any one night stands (ye fuckboy) because I came to realise I miss her so much.
Wtf do I do, as much as I want to be with her I don’t want to burn bridges and lose my close friends. I haven’t spoken to any of my other friends how I feel because we’re all in the same friend circle and we all tight.
This situation has been eating my mind for a while..

First off, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but I think you're growing out of your fuckboy-ness and I can't help but applaud you. It sounds like you're a stand up guy and you've made really solid decisions throughout this whole predicament, from wanting to stop being FWB for the sake of your friend's crush on E, to you trying to figure out if this is lust or love. Most fuckboys would probably go forth and act hastily, fucking over any and everyone because, well, fuckboyz be fuccbois. However, you've acted super cautious and been really considerate of everyone else, and at this point, it kind of sounds like you actually do care for E. I guess my next move would be to figure out how much your friend liked E; was it a crush, is he over it, is he in like or in love with her, does he have surface level or actual deep feelings for her, etc. If it's anything other than something serious, I think it's safe to have a discussion with your friend about your feelings for E. Sure, it might cause a little bit of awkwardness, but it's better than hiding it.

But before starting this whole new journey with E, you and E might need to talk about this. Is she in it for the long run, or is it lust vs. love for her as well? You don't want to invest your time and energy into a relationship with her (especially if it's going to potentially start mild conflict) if it isn't worth it. Make sure she's worth it, because YOU'RE worth it, ok? 

 

I dont really know you on a personal level or anything (we met like once lol), but you seem like a really cool down to earth person! I never say hi when i see you around though because im awkward affffff and you probably dont remember me.

I promise I make myself look way cooler on social media, so you're not missing out on tooo much, but also you should totally say hi! I talk to everyone — seriously, even strangers who clearly don't deserve my attention but come up to my car window at night in my gym's parking lot. Yeah, that actually happens. Sigh. 

Something on your mind? Feel free to share pls. 

 

Standard

get vulnerable.