Over Thinking

Over Thinking 003: Dating Older Guys, “He Sucks At Texting,” & Writing Careers

If you're still not familiar with the Over Thinking series, click here to familiarize yourself.

You guys are really going in with these anonymous thoughts, questions, and concerns, and I'm so so so humbled each time I get a notification for a new contribution. Keep them coming, for I hope that the anonymous comment box can act as a wall thin wall between you and your problems; you're going to want to keep yourself guarded from these truths, but verbalizing your thoughts is one step closer towards tearing that wall down. I guess the only thing you have to focus on is if you're ready to do that.

Be like Joey in this pic; listen to the wall, understand that these problems might reflect who you are as a person, but remember that your reflection can open the door to change.

Wow that was deep AF.  

Oh also, if these questions are URGENT or TIME SENSITIVE, don't hesitate to mark them as such! These next few sound like they needed answers quickly, so I apologize 🙁

With that being said, lehhgo.

I know you just made an overall post about confidence, but I wanted to ask you about this specifically. How do you build confidence as a writer? Something in the back of my mind has been gnawing at me, telling me to pursue writing professionally, but I don't think I'm capable or equipped with the right tools to do so.

What advice do you have for people who want to pursue a professional career in writing? Also, have you ever thought of being a mentor? I would love your help!

Why yes, I did just make an overall post about confidence (which you can find here, ooh shameless plug), but to answer your question,

I honestly have no fucking clue. I never had the strong mindset that a writing occupation was what I wanted in life — it just sort of happened, or rather, is happening. I think everyone can be a writer if they have access to their feelings and have the longing to communicate and verbalize them, so why not take that thought from the back of your mind and give it a little attention? It never hurts to try, and you can only gain from sharing a piece of yourself with the world, yaknow?

I think I've always thought that I was an unofficial mentor to any and all who need my help, meaning I will answer questions and help as many people with the skills I've acquired as much as possible! Knowledge is meant to be shared, so no need to be fickle with it.

To wrap this all up,

just write.

You have nothing to lose; your writing is a reflection and vocalization of your thoughts, and those are invaluable.

 

thoughts on dating an older guy beyond what's acceptable by social 'standards'? i feel that people get pretty weirded out when they see an older man with a younger woman and consequently (almost inevitably), these age-gap relationships are met with excessive judgment, i.e. "she has daddy issues" or "he's just in it for sex." speaking from personal experience of seeing someone 10 years my age for a while now, i know at the end of the day i'm free to love whomever i want, but it's hard to when it feels like i'm being shamed by the public for doing so.

I think we both know that stigmas in any aspect of life exist, but it's how secure you are with yourself, your relationship, and your person that can guide you to a successful relationship. Yes, social standards can fuck you up, regardless of how yolo you are in life, so it is really up to how much you're willing to fight for it.

You have to ask yourself these questions:

How much do you love each other?
To what extent do these social standards bother you?
To what extent do these social standards affect you?
If you had to fight for this relationship, would you?
If so, how much are you willing to fight for it?
Or is going to be better to walk away from it?
But if you walk away from it, are you walking away from it because you want to, or because you're exhausted?

Ok so I think my questions, if anything, might have made your thought process a bit more complicated than anything, so I apologize, but in conclusion, if you love each each other and you know that your relationship is the anomaly among the others who might have actual "daddy issues" or are actually "in it for the sex,"

then go for it.

 

You're beautiful! Stop Photoshopping the shit out of your pictures. real women have real bodies.

I AM A FAKE WOMAN THOUGH.

 

So I'm going on a second date with a guy I really like but he hasn't texted me once since we confirmed the details of the date on Sunday and now we just re-confirmed it which is good but it bugs me how he doesn't talk after we set a date up or after a date (our first – I had to initiate the conversation but he seemed pretty interested and keen to go out again) it's confusing and annoying and I don't understand why someone who's into you wouldn't text to catch up? I know he sucks at texting in the beginning when we met on lil ol'tinder, he's told me that himself and how he's working on it, i didn't even have to complain haha

Ok so first off, I really hope you went on that second date and have an update for me, because this question was posted a little bit ago, that to which I apologize for my delay! How did it go, if at all?

And to answer your thoughts,

I find it utterly annoying when someone says they're bad at texting. Like honestly, have you seen our generation today? Everyone has their phones out at all time. With the exception (maybe) of meals with friends or like going to a movie,

it's not that someone sucks at texting; it's that they're selective in who they want to respond to, and that's annoying AF.

Sorry I had to go on that rant; maybe he is just really busy all the time, and we should give him the benefit of the doubt. However, the beginning of a relationship involves a lot of communication and effort put forth by both parties, and even though he said he'll work on it, just make sure he like…

actually works on it.

If textual communication means something to you, and you mean something to him, he'll figure it out. Hopefully.

 

Hi

a/s/l?

 

So around certain people I can be super responsive, funny, and confident. While other times I have a problem of being super shy and awkard. I've been dealing with this reoccuring problem of social anxiety. I think it stems from the fear of saying things that would in turn cause people to judge me or think that im weird. Added with the fact that in college I went through a huge cycle of depression because of slut shaming. So that past has been looming over me everywhere I go.  This caution sadly has lead to the awkwardness and fear of being judged and I dont know how to change this cycle and be more confident in myself and not care what people think. But its so hard to not care. 

It really is hard not to care what people think, but you know what else is really hard?

Admitting that you went through a cycle of depression due to slut shaming,
and surviving through it.

If you can do that, if you can experience something so psychologically fucked up, if you can pick out those traits that have made you feel weak and are trying to learn from them,

then you're already 87656 times the person any "normal" person is.

Weird and awkward are just words that you're using negatively to describe uniqueness and individuality,
and there's no room for that negative thinking in your life, okay?

Keep pushing yourself because you might soon come to the realization that your quirks are what make people drawn to you, rather than judge you.

 

how do you find it within yourself to be a bad bitch everyday without having to schedule a mental breakdown here and there?

Honestly, I don't have time for things that are unimportant or will affect me negatively. A mental breakdown will only take up my time and energy, and I have too much to do to give it attention!

Maybe later though, when I'm dead.

D

Ah yes, a lot of people's favorite letter.

And by letter, I mean

Standard

get vulnerable.