Over Thinking

Over Thinking 006: Asian Fetishes, Insecurities in Your Relationship, & Feeling Untalented AF.

If you're still not familiar with the Over Thinking series, click here to familiarize yourself.

Sorry for the delay to all who submitted since like, May or something. Seriously, I was trying to produce content and then I started vlogging and didn't want to spam your feeds with so much content every week, sigh. Enough with the excuses, let's just get right into it!

What's your take on non-Asian girls that have an Asian fetish?

Hmm, well I think any type of fetish is kind of peculiar in itself, but I think a foot fetish and a race fetish are probably not comparable, lol. Also, why does it matter if it's non-Asian girls to Asian guys/guy to girl/girl to girl/guy to guy/person to person? Not quite sure where the gender identity comes into play when it comes to fetishes, but all I know is that it's not cool being told that you're going to "love you long time" or being thought of as submissive. The casual remarks that non-Asians make towards Asians, labeling them simply as vocabulary in the fetishes, are actually seeds of micro-aggressions, so like if you need someone to cure you of Yellow Fever,

please consult a doctor!

 

I'm not much for vulnerability on social media but this won't get close to my friends or family for judgement, so here goes nothing… I'm not good at relationships and I've never been able to know when to let go before it's too late, I usually get dragged for endless miles with my heart all bruised up. These situations kill my creative musical side and make me write negatively and seem angry. Afterwards in the point of view of others I seem cynical and like a psychopath. Point is how do you know when to let go and move on? And should you even be friends with people who became the "could've been's"? (I seem to care too much about everyone and the opinions they contain… But on the bright side you seem like an awesome person and I enjoy reading posts like this.)

Hello! First off, I'm glad you were able to kind of get into your vulnerable state because you accepted how anonymous, honest, and judgment-free my vulnerability box is, so yay for you! Baby steps

From the kind of quick and vague thoughts that you've told me, you seem like someone who has a general idea of the good and bad things in your life, and you've kind of come to terms with your strengths and weaknesses. The ability to assess yourself and evaluate your life and all the choices from your past, present, and future is a great thing to have, so please pat yourself on the back for that, ok? 

In regards to your relationships, I'm not sure if you mean platonic or romantic, but it seems as if you've dealt with a lot of shitty people, and a lot of temporary people you thought were going to be permanent. It's ok — life has many different visitors, and not everyone can afford to buy property in your circle, and that's fine. Don't beat yourself up for it, but at the same time, try to figure out what it is that's making these heartbreaks become habitual. Is it you? Is it the people you meet? Is it your environment? And whatever it is, are you willing to change it in order to be better? 

Lastly, in regards to your emotional cycle of heartbreak that kills your creativity and turns into angst, I don't think you need to worry about what other people think. The best forms of art can be created through pain, sadness, and anger, and when you feel those extreme emotions, only you will understand how to interpret them into something great. Every artist is thirsty for a little bit of pain every now and then, but it's what they create from it that makes it worth it. 

 

GIRL CAN I JUST SAY YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY STUNNING WOW, every time I see you on my feed I deadass say "Damn, she a snack" HAHAHAH

BUT anyway I wanted to kinda segway off the sub you posted on your latest (as of this sub) post.

I empathize with the anon on how they said they have "friends" they hang out with occasionally but don't really consider them as real friends they can figuratively spill their guts out for. I always hang around the group of guys at school who're the typical "party hard" kind of dudes, you know, blazing and vaping and all lmao. I join them at lunch to take a smoke (vape) break and I just listen to them talk about shit they do during weekends w/other people and I occasionally have my input, but other than that it's nothing more than small talk. I used to be tilted from not being invited to anything by them on the weekends but as time went on I started to give less of shit until eventually it didn't even phase me.

My point is, well, again I empathize with the anon. I'm not sad or happy about it, but I have more of a melancholic attitude. I'm not sure if I should be happy I even have "friends" at my school (I'm still in high school lol, wow much underage) I only hang out with at lunch for the purpose of having something to do and not be a lonely weeb watching anime. I mean, I have a somewhat circle of friends outside of my school who I can more comfortably be myself around, but even then I'm generally just a pretty reserved guy. I'm extroverted but at the same time that contradicts my former statement, nice

Though I'm graduating next year, I suppose I'm still at the point where the focus of my current social life is to make many friends and connections, whether they be personal or mutual, for the sake of it and experience? Don't get me wrong, I still have a great time cracking open a cold one with the boys on a Saturday, but I just feel like I'll always be distant from everyone because I still haven't found people I can truly concede in. I expect that, hopefully, this'll change come the time I graduate and move onto the lit uni life I'm sure you and a lot of your friends have experienced.

I'm not really sure what else to say and I'm sorry if that's hard to come up with a response, but I just wanted to sort of vent/be vulnerable for a second. I feel like you'll be able to give me an insightful response regardless if it's an answer or in the form of advice.

I personally find it really admirable and attractive when someone who's seen as ratchet and hypebae af can also talk real for when it's necessary, hence my discovery of your blog and page! Anyway, I hope this finds you well. You can respond to it whenever you'd like or have time.

But yeah, keep on slaying it boo. I promise I love you long time 😉

Lol, your last line, dear lordt I hope you are Asian as well; otherwise, I'll have to politely smack you across the face a little, and then we'll let bygones be bygones and we'll crack open a cold one together, even though you're underage so you'll probably crack open like a nice can of Cactus Cooler, mm. 

Anyway, I'm really really really glad this was helpful for you, in that you were able to identify with the anon previously, as I found a lot of people did, and you were able to just vent about life. I feel that as we grow up (though you're a wee child), there are less and less people who want to really listen to us talk about nothing. Even though talking and listening are literally the simplest forms of therapy, it becomes harder to find people who will engage with what you're saying, and that saddens me. With that, I hope to stay therapeutic fam. 

This is just my advice to you, coming from one extroverted introvert to another: try new things when you go to college/uni

No, I'm not talking about a threesome (but also like, yolo?). I'm talking about really just putting yourself out there and going to that ice cream social in the 3rd floor lounge at your dorm, or going to a tailgate because, like, free food and fun. The main difference in regards to the people you're surrounded with in high school vs. college/uni is that the people at your high school are there because of geography, because they grew up there, because their parents forced them to be there. In college, the people are there because you are all like-minded individuals. You all had to go through the same application process, you all had to excel in your studies, you all had to be the best at your extracurricular activities. The people you're surrounded with in college are already at your level mentally, and it gives you room to expand and explore different dimensions of people who exist, and trust me;

it's fucking awesome. 

GL and don't skip lectures even if they are podcasted or else you're never going to finish them and then oops, it's finals week.

 

Something I've struggled with for a long time is self-confidence and insecurities. How do you learn to love yourself and be confident in who you are? People tell me to "fake it till you make it" but that's exactly the problem, I can't fake it if I don't believe it ya feel?? I've felt insecure about myself, particularly my physical body for a long time, and these insecurities have almost broken my relationship with my very loving & supportive boyfriend- I became overprotective/possessive and was always worried about the girls he would interact with, even if they were just purely friends, or I would get so caught up with him following these beautiful models on Instagram who post lots of photos in bikinis because I would never look like them. He would never let the photos get in the way of our relationship but there's still that twinge of jealousy when I know that he is looking (but only looking) at other women. 

I want to help myself gain confidence instead of looking for affirmation elsewhere. How did you become so empowered and comfortable in your own skin?

Thank you for creating this safe space, you and your writing are truly an inspiration 🙂

Hi love~ I've gotten this question quite a few times, and I've addressed a whole post on it here, so please take a read and hopefully it'll help you out a bit!

One quick thing before you click onto that post: your boyfriend sounds like a decent guy from the little you've told me of him. Don't punish him with your insecurities, because people may bend, but they will break soon enough if you keep putting pressure on them. Loving him is great, but possessiveness is borderline unhealthy, and I think you can even feel it in yourself when you feel those twinges of jealousy, even though you and I both know he's literally not doing anything. Sure, you are allowed to ask him to cool it on following all those IG famous hoes because it makes you feel uncomfortable, but you also need to make sure that you are trying your best not to let this insecurity get the best of you

You want to gain confidence? Start by asking your boyfriend why he's with you. I am almost positive that he will tell you that he's in love with you for x reasons, and those reasons will go beyond your "pretty eyes" or "nice hair". When you're dating someone who is as loving and supportive as you say your boyfriend is, they often see good things in you that you've never seen yourself, so go on and ask him. Let his love help you find your self-love. 

Lastly, I'm glad you feel that this is a safe space and hope you continue to feel that way! Thank you for your kind words!

 

I feel untalented and compare myself to others in all aspects too often.

Dude tbh same, like I look at all the people from college who are now either on broadway or married (that's a talent to me lol), and I'm like, "We are at such different places in our lives." However, I've turned that comparison from a negative into a positive — at least, I've been trying to. I see so many people really work on their crafts and get recognized for their work, and honestly, it takes so much energy to look at that and throw myself a pity party. I'd rather be proud of them and be inspired by their hard work, and take that vibe towards something I'm passionate about. It's all about perspective; are you going to feel sorry for yourself and compare yourself to someone amazing your whole life, or are you going to accept where you're currently at, and work hard to become more awesome?

Plus, I'm pretty sure there are things that you're talented at that people are envious of as well, so don't sell yourself short, ok? 

 

woahhh where do the comments go?

Who knows…

 

You're so cool<3

Oh why thank you, you are cool as well :')

 

Standard

get vulnerable.