I was standing in line at Starbucks and scrolling through the plethora of videos on my FB feed because that's basically what FB is, am I right?! Usually, I don't watch or stream any videos because I'm not on an unlimited data plan and am constantly paying $15/month extra for those overage charges (oops), but I had already connected to that free wifi, so I felt like a video-watching baller.
I then came across this video:
I nodded along after every sentence, as I believed in it as well. It's not about the intensity; it's about the consistency of the little things that accumulate over time. And no, we aren't talking about the little materialistic things (although stacks on stacks on staaaaacks of Gucci bags are nice tbh).
We're talking about the small gestures,
the unspoken acts of kindness,
the sweet moments of give and take, with you altruistically and unknowingly giving much more than taking.
I went through the comments per usual, and scrolled through waaaaay more negative feedback than I would have imagined. To me, the argument of consistency versus intensity seemed, well…
but to quite a few others, it wasn't as black and white as such.
In fact, it was not even black/white/gray matter, but moreso a black/white/physical copy of a color chart type of comparison.
What struck me about these comments were that:
a. People were really questioning his delivery on the subject, but did that mean they disagreed with his statements? Are you able to detach your thoughts on the instrument vs. the music it is actually playing?
b. Are people really looking at small gestures with a score board, and using almost a mathematical method as to prove that because I asked her how her day was, yet she doesn't seem to love me, asking how her day was is moot?
c. Do people not realize that consistent gestures are a part of someone, and (should) not be forced..?!?!?!
I had to remind myself that I needed to take the comments section with a grain of salt – the beauty (and ugly thing) about social media is that it truly gives you a look into the thoughts of others around the world, thoughts you wouldn't even imagine to be true because most of the people in your immediate circles have the same thoughts, morals, and beliefs as you.
With that, I needed to ask the people of my FB what their thoughts were. Sure, I know how I felt about it, but were there contradicting thoughts in my network?
Here are some of my favorite responses from Facebook and Instagram:
CL: Consistency. I would say intensity is just passion/fleeting. I think passion is important bc it keeps things exciting but i dont think high intensity "love" is realistic. Consistency lays the foundation for trust which is very valuable to me. It's more reliable.
AC: Consistency! Intensity will ebb and flow, but consistency keeps a relationship lasting stronger
II: 3 types of love: Eros is passionate and probably is about intensity. Philos is more about the friendship and understanding, so more about consistency.
Agape is unconditional love, therefore both. #goalz. I think they can add up, but the presence of one doesn't suggest the possibility of agape.
CB: Consistency which means choosing your partner everyday. My friend says "in a relationship there's 3 people, there's 'you' 'me' and 'us'. Choosing your partner everyday to me means understanding that the relationship (the "us") as a whole is greater than your individualist needs or desires. When faced with a challenging moment or decision, you set your ego aside and choose to align your efforts towards the relationship instead of yourself.
That said, I think in order to do this, you must work on the root of most relationship problems. YOU. When two people are continually working on their insecurities, trauma and egos, you are inevitability working on the US.
“The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, "If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. "Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.”― Jim Rohn
MI: This is band director advice about practicing but you know, band is lyfe.
"If you are persistent, you will get it. If you are consistent, you will keep it."
JN: anyone who's been in more than 1 or 2 relationships will probably value consistency more…intensity dies over time and can a couple into thinking lust is the same as love
I was curious to see if anyone would really fight for intensity over consistency, and one person did, but didn't give a compelling argument, so I can't help but wonder what the other side of this question is. What do you think?
Let me know in the comments – anonymously or not. UNTIL NEXT TIME.