Over Thinking

Over Thinking 009: Alcohol Makes Me Less Awk, 32 YO Male Chinese-American Struggle, & Once A Cheater

If you're still not familiar with the Over Thinking series, click here to familiarize yourself.

Hello, is this thing on?

It's me, Christina!

Remember?

Yes, yes, it's been a while, but I feel like I've strayed away from my writing as of late, and I'm just trying to recenter myself. It's not that I've been off center; rather, I feel like I've just developed a new equilibrium

and am trying to find that new balance
(not the Nikes). 

I'm so grateful for all the new followers I've gained this past year, and I forget that people are new and haven't gotten the chance to get vulnerable with me. After having posted it on my Instagram last week, I felt like I pressed the refresh button on my blog, my open mind, and my open heart.

There were a ton of new vulnerabilities submitted, and I promise I'll get to all of them in the next few posts. With that, let's get into some of your anonymous thoughts and questions!

 

You're really beautiful, and has anyone ever told you you have a lot of sex appeal, at least your appearance because I wouldn't know about other aspects. I wonder if that is a nuisance for you if so. Well keep expressing yourself confidentially anyway it's amazing to see someone vulnerable on social media with so many complete strangers 

lol, why thank you (i think?) for the… kind words. maybe.

is it sex appeal, or is it thirst trappin – we will never know.

but thank you for acknowledging my social media presence with strangers; I've always thought it to be much easier to interact and share your deepest feelings with strangers than with friends. it isn't too logical, but in my own twisted way, i feel like there's much less judgment expressing yourself to a faceless being than to a familiar face.

 

hello, hi!! 

First of all, I want to say that I love your super healthy blonde hair and brows and most importantly, your personality! You are so unapologetic about who you are. so dgaf about what people think. I LUV IT. 

Now, onto the real stuff — 

I don't even know where to begin!! Well to start off, I can say that I'm 100% confident of who I am and my personality and whatnot. With that said, I know that I can be pretty freaken awkward and shy and boring when I'm with people I don't really know. And thats something I want to change but, I don't know how to. I came to this realization because when I drink, I am total 180 — I make funny comments/jokes, am super outgoing, and most importantly, NOT. AWKWARD. I feel like I like under-the-influence me more than I like sober me. And I want to be under-the-influence me all the time but … without being under the influence LOL I want to change all that and be fun to be around and not awkward. The thing is, I'm totally an introvert and just being in social situations can drain me so adding the effort into being all of the above will probably make me mooore tired. SO. I guess my question here, after this long rant (that I hope made sense to you), is: do you have any tips on how to naturally be funny, witty, and unawkward in social situations? I guess what I'm trying to say is that i want to attain these qualities and have them be a part of my natural personality rather than having them only come out at certain times. 

TYTY for your advice, you are amazing for having this outlet for people to rant and ask for advice and whatnot <3 

first of all, thank you! i love that you say hair, brows, and personality. those are all v important HAHHA, and wow, thank you! I LUV U!

second, you already sound like a really fun person – i feel like i can feel your expression and excitement and awkwardness through your run on sentences, and that's awesome. i always like to commend someone for acknowledging what they want to work towards, i.e. you call yourself for being awkward in social situations but you want to actively change and become better, and that in itself deserves a pat on the back, ok? not many people can admit their flaws or fears, more or less try to find SOLUTIONS to them, so you're doing great.

as for your awkwardness and social behavior, of course it's easier to let loose when under the influence – it definitely helps take the edge off a little, but absolutely should not be something you rely on. with that, i don't think there is anything i can concretely tell you to become "naturally" funny/witty/unawkward – it's that word "natural" that holds a bit of weight, because like you said, it has to happen genuinely and not be forced.

so what do i think you should do?

i think you should embrace that awkwardness and try to channel it into a positive personality trait; you might be too hard on yourself and have cast a negative light towards your akward social behavior, but if you put a positive spin on it and accept it as your quirk rather than a flaw, i think you'll be just fine. don't look at your genuine personality as something negative, because i can feel that you can be as positive and fun as you wish :)!!!

 

What was your dance journey like? I'd love to pick it up but I'm not sure if I can pick it up at 22… also girl, you all-around bomb as fuck <3

long story medium, i've been ballet trained since age 3, and grew up learning ballet/jazz/character at a ballet company! when i moved to palm springs in 5th grade, i enrolled in a ballet program with jazz/lyrical/hip hop, and did a lot of competition dance (you know those vids you see of young girls dancing their lil hearts wearing the sparkliest outfits?! that was totally me). when i entered college, i dabbled in some contemp and heels teams, but ultimately danced on a hip hop team for 4 years, and now i just dance when i can!

i think if you have the rhythm in you, you can definitely do it! it's never too late to learn, and dancing is supposed to be fun, not stressful. take a beginners class and find what you like, and most importantly, what makes you smile!

AND ME? ALL AROUND BOMB AS FUCK? BRB CRYING BC YOU'RE TOO KIND.

How can I go on a date with you?

i'm not saying you have to venmo me a billion dollars, but i'd like to know that you have the capacity to do so.

 

Hi, this is the the first time i visted your blog and went through the whole “overthinking” series because i do that alot, good stuff. Lets see how do i start? I’m honestly even a little nervous spilling these random thoughts and feelings anonymously, but commend you for this awesome af service. Oh and i apologize ahead of time for my poor grammar, i believe you mentioned that it was your thing, lol. Anyways I have always been curious to get a unbiased women’s perspective on how i believe i portray myself to the world. Lets start off with the thing thats makes me feel most self conscience, I am a 32 year old Chinese American Male virgin here in l.a. and not because of some sense that i need to not have sex before marriage. It just never felt like it was right time at the moment, i don’t know how women feel about that. I keep that to myself. Never truly had a real relationship. At this age most guys would have had these checked off the list, combine these pressures i feel with the need to make something of myself because i finally found out that my ambition to work for someone else is not there anymore. I feel i came to that realization late thanks to my Asian family upbringing of if you work hard and put your head down, people will recognize it and you will be rewarded, which turns out to be the opposite of how it is. I also get pressure from my parents and grandma to buy a house, get married, and give them grandkids. Sometimes i feel overwhelmed with all these pressures, sometimes i feel depressed i haven’t done much per say, but most of the time i feel this is just how hard its gonna be and driven to tell everyone to f off of what they want me to do. I feel frustrated i haven’t had a real love connection ever because i do believe i want that. I believe i just don’t put enough effort to try to create a connection, thats on me. It is a really really rough crowd on trying to get a date off dating apps in l.a., it’s just not happening. I hate it because i believe i would be literally the best bf. I have been told I’m a catch which is even more frustrating lol. I have a good job, starting a new business, excercise, reliable as f to all my friends, even some say they look up to me which threw me off, getting be a good cook, yet i let myself feel i guess underqualified af . I’m sorry, i just put a random feelings out there and don’t really know if im asking questions or just wanting to vent and have people listen. I sincerely thank you for your time if you managed to read all that jibberish from a old dude.

uh first off, you're*

no i'm just kidding, haha – i just wanted to be an asshole because you mentioned my grammar thing (which is very true and thanks for acknowledging + you did fine)

i know this was submitted a little while ago, so i apologize for not getting to it sooner, and if you're reading this:

take 3 deep breaths.

i feel like that was a nice vent session that you had, and it's really difficult for people to put their thoughts out of their heads and into the world, whether it be verbally or written or typed, so congratulations on acknowledging yourself and your fears and your strengths. i can understand that asian american upbringing, and it's inevitable for us to be resentful from time to time (with some of us being more angry and rebellious than others, of course). the pressure is insane and you and i both know that tbh, it'll never end.

with that though, you need to find that balance of what you want in life,
what you need,
what makes you happy,
what is important to you right now, and in 5/10/20 years.

it seems like you have a lot of problems and questions and concerns in so many different aspects of your life (all valid), but it's making you off-balance, and you're struggling to find a comfortable equilibrium. instead of trying to please everyone all at once, and trying to solve every problem in life simultaneously (from love to career to friendship), sit down and prioritize, then strategize.

oh, and don't let social stigmas pressure you into feeling some types of ways; those "norms" are so 2000 and late. you do you.

 

Are you a believer of “once a cheater, always a cheater?” My (now) ex emotionally cheated on me by drunk texting this girl I miss you and I really like you, but they never did anything physically. Do you think it’s worth another chance or not worth the insecurity and heartbreak? Ty girl 

omg qurl let me tell you – cheating is one of my most fascinating topics lol (ive been cheated on like 1.5 times and i just throw my hands up in the air like ok lit swag)

I actually wrote a few pieces on cheating that I think you'd find very very helpful:

Cheat Codes (Of Conduct In A Relationship) – this one has a bunch of my followers' and friends' opinions on whether there are rules to cheating/being cheated on

Nature vs. Keeping it in Your Pants – this one talks about the "nature" of male/female perspective on cheating

but a quick answer right now? i think that emotional cheating stings much more, and though physical is not a walk in the park either, the heart plays a heavier role in a relationship. if you are even 1% confident that he's not the one you're going to end up with, i don't thin you need to put yourself through another emotional roller coaster. sure, sometimes it's best to work through something together, but that's only if it's

worth it, yaknow?

good luck + make good decisions sweetie~~

 

 

Standard

get vulnerable.