***WARNING: THIS POST IS EMBARRASSING FOR ME TO WRITE BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE PEOPLE KNOWING THINGS ABOUT ME LIKE THIS BUT I REALIZED THAT I AM AN ADULT (KIND OF) SO I CAN WRITE ABOUT THIS IF I WANT TO. I THINK. I DON’T KNOW. MAYBE THIS IS WHAT GROWING UP FEELS LIKE. PROBABLY NOT THOUGH. ALSO IF YOU’RE A PARENT/DANCE CHILD AND YOU KNOW ME AND YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE HAVING A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE OF ME AND MY LIFE, YOU CAN GLADLY SCROLL PAST THIS/CLOSE THIS TAB AND I WILL STILL BE THE LOVING SECOND DAUGHTER YOU NEVER HAD.***

As the Ancient Chinese proverb goes,

Me and Ursh once more and we leave ’em dead, we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed.

When it comes to things happening in the bedroom, we can all agree that I’m the last person to ask about it lol I don’t even care how that sounds, I’m totally okay with it. With that being said, I’ve had too many uncomfortable conversations with my guy friends about how this girl was “a freak” and how she liked it “rough”.

Even typing this right now is like mildly uncomfortable, as it is a Wednesday afternoon and I’m in a public place. However, I’m doing this for the blog, THE BLOG! 

Now here I am, thinking I’m just a wholesome girl, outgoing and fun in person, but awkwardly shy when around guys I like. I couldn’t ever think of myself as “a freak”, but when you date guys who automatically pull your hair and lightly spank you, and then you all of a sudden date a guy who… doesn’t… well the contrast in your enjoyment (or lack there of) kind of provides itself as a definition of you as a freak, or at least in the category, maybe like a level 3 out of 10 freak. Does that make sense?

After dating the most recent and most mellow guy, I found myself wondering about other women who were in this position (if there are any) (also, lol position heh). Like what if some women like the roughness, but they don’t know how to say it? Or what if the woman is incredibly rough and the guy is super not into it? What if she’s scratching him so hard he’s bleeding and she’s looking at him like, “Go me, I’m a fucking animal/Ke$ha,” all proud and shit. Or what if he hates it and passively aggressively says, “Look at what you did babe,” in hopes that she’ll feel bad and never do it again and you guys can chuckle about it but instead she’s like scrolling on Insta, not even looking at you, and let’s out a, “SoRrY NoT SoRry~.”

1. Communication is important.

2. Guys love freaks! 

K IN REGARDS TO NUMBER 1, let me give you a double entendre anecdote about “communication is important.” This one guy I was dating for quite a while was all sorts of freaky. Also, he was in my earlier stages of FOR REALS dating, so perhaps I was very naive in the freaky department, so take all of that into consideration and proceed to reading. Anyhow, so we decided to get intimate kind of, and I remember thinking, “Wow this is all sorts of new but be cool xtina, be coo– wait what is this no haha what haha whaaat erm ok wait it’s chill xtina you’re new just be cool don’t make eye contact.” All of a sudden, my hair was being pulled gently, and it wasn’t too bad. My hair is actually really fucking long, and if you know me, you know that I hate my hair being pulled from the ends because I feel like a damn horse and like no thank you. Then, there was some dirty talk. Have you watched the episode of Friends where Ross is dating that woman and she wants him to talk dirty?

Ok so when he commenced this less than clean talk, I found myself giggling up a storm in my head. Not because the content was hilarious, but rather the whole situation in itself was just something super foreign. Anyhow, he started whispering sweet nothings into my ear — literally. He would whisper so lightly… that I never understood a single fucking word he said. I’m sure the content was at least 43 shades of grey, but when he was performing his spoken word, well, I just couldn’t find the courage to ask him to repeat himself. If you talk to me in person, you know I always say, “Pardon?” rather than saying, “What did you say?” or, “Excuse me?” So I tried to imagine myself sexily whispering into his ear, “PaRdOn~?” and like ok come on that’s just not possible.

I never told him this, and I have no idea if he still does this… so if you’re reading this, just know that your dirty talk is inaudible and I’m sorry I never told you but I’m sure whatever you were saying was delightful but also enunciation is key.

In conclusion, communication is NECESSARY. On so many levels. If you want to get spanked, say it (and possibly play “Smack That” by Akon in the background to create a nice atmosphere). If you have bloody scratches and you’re not too fond of them, ask for some bandaids and Neosporin and for him/her to stop that. If you don’t appreciate hickeys and looking like a bruised peach, tell him/her that you are not a fruit and will not provide the Vitamin C, nor the Vitamin D nawmean. If you want your hair pulled, brush dat mane and let him KNOW. If you don’t like getting choked, OMG PLEASE SAY IT DON’T DIE. Otherwise, well, he’ll just keep on whispering sweet nothings into your ear and you’ll just be stifling laughter forever, until you tell this story on your personal blog years later. I mean, what.

IN REGARDS TO NUMBER 2, yeah! Ok so maybe some of my male readers are reading this and are thinking:

Being freaky is sexy.
I like freaky girls.
Wait is xtina a freak.
I’m going to fb message her later.

Alright so I too thought, generally, guys think women who are frEakY are SEXY and HOT and EMPOWERING and CONFIDENT and ALL OF THE THINGS I’m not. What. Anyway, in my mind, I feel like if I asked my guy friends what I should do in this situation, they’d say like, “Yeah do it guys love it.”

So I decided to survey a few unlucky souls who were on Facebook at the time when I decided to write this, and I asked them:

If you were getting intimate with a girl, and all of a sudden she says, “Choke me,” what is your reaction?

Well, it better be in missionary position so I have control over her legs still, it makes it easier to thrust effectively. But I would for sure be down, it definitely turns me on. If a girl can take initiative/control, it’s super attractive.

I would come up with a safety word. Once we establish that, we continue our intimate sesh.

I do it lightly and check with her to see if she likes it. If she’s vocal enough to say “choke me,” she’s vocal enough to give directions.

“Uhhh no.”

I would feel extremely awkward and say “Or nah?”

“Uh what? No I’m not going to do that.”

EDIT [6:01PM]: I have never been choked myself lol. I thought it was a normal thing cause my guy friends would talk about it. Apparently it is not. I thought I was prude and not hip. I do not know. I imagine it and imagine me dying and then the coroner asking what happened and the manfriend having to reply, “We were trying something new…” No thanks.