underqualified as f_ck

As graduation is quickly approaching, there’s no escaping that sense of urgency, the nostalgia – just all the feELz that you don’t want to catch and you’ve worked hard to ignore. “I’m so old” and “I can’t believe it’s almost over” and “I’M FINALLY GOING TO BE FREE” are the general statements I’m sure we’re all thinking about, and as much as it’ll be liberating, it’s also one of the prime times of your life that you’ll probably not get back. Ever. Ever ever. When else will you be able to binge eat and drink beer and maybe take some prescription drugs that you weren’t prescribed necessarily to stay up all night and wake up to take a midterm that counts for 40% of your grade the next morning? Exactly. Well actually, I hope that you don’t have to go through that when you’re like 45 years old, but to each his own.

So I’ve been trying to think of things that I personally should do and need to do before I graduate. From personal things to logistics, the list is pretty strict. I thought I’d share it with you though, and hope that you can find it useful. These of course don’t have to apply to you personally, but maybe they totally do.

1. Make sure you.. can actually graduate.

Wouldn’t it be terrible if you thought you were done with all of your units and requirements… but you weren’t? I went to my counselor yesterday and I actually was missing an elective – what the hell right. Luckily, I went in to ask a dumb question and decided that she should just look over my degree progress report for funzies. Good thing, or else that would not have been funzies when I was waiting for my name to be called and it never did. Drama.

2. Take the time to get meals/coffee/dessert/something with people you always say, “We should TOTALLY get lunch sometime!” 

‘Sometime’ was a great way to postpone events or to fill in conversation gaps with that friend you bump into on campus that you hadn’t seen since orientation, but let’s face it; ‘sometime’ was off in the distant future in your head. ‘Sometime’ is NOW. Make the effort and call/text/fb/instamessage/xanga/AIM those friends who you owe lunch/your time to.

3. Tie loose ends with your exes/friends who have wronged you.

Say sorry. Or don’t say sorry.

But you should say sorry or forgive or tell that person that you’re okay and that it happened and yolo and you’re fine now and blah blah. The best way to show maturity/shock someone else who isn’t as mature as you is to show that you’ve moved on and you’re happy now.

Even if it’s not true, just fake it. But don’t make a grudge, hold the grudge, and then leave with a grudge that doesn’t even make sense. It’s like if you and your roommate both don’t do the dishes because you can’t recall who did what, but you know it’s not yours for sure. The pile will just stay there. For years. YEARS. THINK OF THE DIRT. THE MOLD. THE FLIES.

But really, just talk to your past and make sure you present yourself to them to show that your futures are both going to be clear and free of awkwardness. Being angry isn’t fun, it just get’s tiring.

4. Go to office hours and talk to a professor. 

I know, I know. Office hours, ugh it’s not in my schedule, he only holds them at this time, ugh like I have to walk all the way across campus, like what are we even going to talk about, blah blah blah.

Talk to this person. When else in your life are you going to have such a convenient opportunity to talk to someone who is so knowledgeable in your field? Never. Well not never but like basically never.

5. Use your health insurance.

If you have health insurance at your school, go in for a check up. Get a physical, stock up on some condoms and some Plan B and check for STDs and tell them you have back problems and ask for the massages that they offer and get the flu shot. You’ll be invincible — ALL FOR FREE.

6. Order all of your graduation shit. 

Take your pictures with that cap and gown and get that picture that you can make a dumb face and hold up that white board that you can post on social media, accompanied with a long caption like, “Yeah, I finally made it. Thank you Mom and Dad. #GraDuATE.” Order your cap and gown and stoles and figure out how to get tickets to your commencement.

Side note, if anyone happens to know how to do all of that, holler at me. Not that I don’t have my shit together. Totally. Yeah.

7. Talk to that person that you’ve always thought was cute. 

I know you know a few cuties that have crossed your path since freshmen year; she lived in your hall, he always works out on Tuesdays, she said this really smart thing in class one time my 2nd year in that one class that I accidentally attended, he is on that dance team that I saw in the student union that one night.

Face it: after graduation, where are you going to be able to stalk these cuties? Don’t you want to know what they’re like? If the fantasy in your head could actually be a reality? If you wait, it’ll be a little difficult to ‘accidentally’ run into him/her. AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?

8. Throw a rager.

We’ve all wanted to throw that one huge party, but we have bad neighbors or the landlord lives down the hall or we don’t want to clean up. Honestly, we’re moving out of that apartment anyway, so it’ll be a little hard to get evicted. Boom. Yolo.

9. Do Undie Run.

It’s simple. Do it. If your school doesn’t have it, then it is your duty to make it happen.

10. Be persistent and have your internship turn into a full time job, or apply for jobs constantly. 

Funemployment can only be fun for so long…

Good luck!