underqualified as f_ck

One spontaneous weekend, I got coaxed into going to Vegas with my best guy friend from high school and a few of his frat bros. The drive was long and boring, and I knew as much about his friends as I could know from their Instagrams, so I decided to hit them with the question that I always ask guys when I want to dig a little deeper:

“So… tell me about your last relationship.”

The question opened up the gates of truth… in the form of complaints. They told me about the girls that they used to date but then things ended and their hearts were broken. Girls are such heartbreakers, they get over guys so quickly, they are only interested in free rides, blah blah blah. The moral of their stories was simply that they are nice guys and they want nice girls who can occasionally make them food and be really cute and are sweethearts, #loyal.

That demand sounds fair enough; it’s cute to hear when guys with a douchey exterior actually have feelings, actually want nice and good girls, and are not emotionally unavailable. Women these days are not quite the high and mighty figures that they portray themselves to be via really really sad posts on Tumblr about how they are always treated terribly. Let’s face it: women can be just as asshole-ish as men, but they more easily play the, “pity me, a guy just broke my heart, #typical” card and end up getting away with it because, well, that’s just our generation as of right now. With those “pity me” posts come the, “BE STRONG!” or the “He’ll get what’s coming to him, you are a beautiful woman, you don’t need a man!” comments. I understand society’s double-standard for women, I accept it, and I explained the unfairness of it today to the guys. They get it, I get it, life is hard, girls are assholes, it’ll be okay, just be patient and smart and won’t get your heart broken, done.

The conversation then takes a turn as we talk about the bad bitches at their school, the girls who go to events every weekend, the girls who get wasted at the frat parties and day drinking events, the girls who dated a few of their friends but man is she hot, the girls who don’t respond to texts but only text you asking to get into VIP because they found out that you have a table. They are tatted, they have ‘tasteful’ piercings, they have RBF (resting bitch face) – these girls are baddies and these guys want them.

At this point in the car ride, I’m bursting out laughing. No less than a minute ago, they were complaining about getting their hearts broken and the next thing you know, they’re talking about how much they want these bad bitches to be their lady friends. Here’s the problem:

These guys are always on the lookout for the baddies, or at least the bad girl exterior with the good girl intentions, but of course, they also want the keepers, the loyal girls, the wifey material. They can complain all they want about getting heart broken but the truth is that, well, it’s slightly their faults. They’re talking about looking for wifey material but they’re falling for girls that are made of other material – cotton, nylon, polyester maybe, lolz. They want the baddies and the bitches, so it shouldn’t REALLY be a surprise that they’re getting their hearts broken by girls who are… heart breakers by default. You can’t complain about something you can’t find when you’re looking in the completely opposite direction.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you to judge a book by its cover. Just because she’s inked and pierced and her eyebrows make her constantly look like she will kick your ass does not mean she’s instantly a heart breaker. Just because a girl likes to get wasted every night or is super into that #PLUR lifestyle or is usually found in Downtown LA every weekend does NOT entail that she is not wifey material – some women these days are able to have fun AND have their shit together (crazy huh). I refer to these as the baddie-wifey hybrid, a rare species of woman that is sought but never found, and when found, usually wifed up. However, the chance that your hot bad bitch is going to be the sweet and loyal girl you want to marry is very slim; it’s pretty unlikely that you’re going to marry the girl who, though attractive, has cheated on your homie’s homie… catch my drift? No matter how hot she is, how fun she is at the clubs, how exciting her life looks like on Instagram when she’s in Vegas, she probably has the capacity to break your heart in an instant.

With that being said, you, the “nice guy,” need to realize that the chances of finding that perfect baddie wifey material is nearly impossible, and you need to stop complaining about girls breaking your heart, how girls aren’t loyal, etc. Look back at all the girls you have been interested in and ask yourself if any of them were girls you could bring home to mom. If you answered anything other than, “ABSOLUTELY,” it’s time that you quit blaming the girls for breaking your heart. It takes two to tango, and quite frankly, you’re blaming your partner for being a bad tango partner when you knew that she was a Bollywood dancer from the start. Get your shit together man.

Guys, I understand that you like the bad girls and ultimately want to end up with a good girl, but until you’re over that phase, stop complaining about getting hurt and just accept the fact that pain and drama are inevitable – just chill out and have a good time. If you keep proclaiming that you are a nice guy and getting your heart broken, yet you’re constantly chasing the bad bitches who will most likely break your heart and have the full capacity to do so, I will have no choice but to feel bad for you for about twelve seconds before telling you something along the lines of, “I told you so.”

Good luck, don’t get your hearts broken, but if you do, at least get them broken by girls who are worth the heart ache.