Over Thinking

Over Thinking 010: Roommate Habits, Dating a Coworker, & #shootyourshot2018

If you're still not familiar with the Over Thinking series, click here to familiarize yourself.

In an attempt not to procrastinate, I've set reminders to schedule new upcoming posts.
We'll get through this together, I promise :')

I have a roommate who i’m good friends with. After living with her, I’ve realized she has habits that are not ok and that she is 100% unaware of (i.e. perpetually flaking, having 0 consideration of how her actions affect other ppl, etc.) she’s bad at handling any confrontation but as her friend, I just want to let her know bc I care. How do I tell her w/o ruining our friendship (esp since we r living together) or coming off as a huge bitch?

EVICT HER ASS.

lol jk #dont. I've always heard that you don't truly know how someone is/how great your relationship is with a person unless you live together or travel together, so this comes as no surprise (sadly). Props to you for wanting to take action; I find that as we get older, it gets harder to actually put in the effort to helping a friend become a better person. We're constantly busy with ourselves, our lives, and our work, that we find it easier to let people learn their lessons themselves — AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT, NAHMEAN?!

However, I think you need to weigh the options; how will you approach her, how might she react, how can you help her implement new ways should she choose to understand and reflect this newfound knowledge that you're dropping on her? Honestly, it'll be really tough and it'd be 500% easier to just walk away and avoid the situation; she's a big girl, she can grow the fuck up on her own, right?!

But you sound like a nice person who's down to do some nice things. I would approach her in a positive but concerned way, and I would use any scenario that is currently happening in order to use it as an example + learning lesson. If she's flaking on someone else in front of you, take that moment to ask why she's flaking and how it might make the other person feel. If she's avoiding someone, ask her why she's avoiding them and suggest that being upfront would be a great alternative.

Baby steps.

Good luck + lmk how it goes!

 

Thoughts on dating a coworker/manager at work?? 

Totallllly depends on the company size + work culture. If you work at a corporate office with 500 people, you might be able to get away with it (but at what cost???). If you work at a retail store with 20 people and you're trying to date your manager but you know your coworkers are #drama, I'd probably fantasize about it but then I'd think

 

I thought this guy from my high school was cute. He’s 2 years older than me. I recently found him on IG and he’s doing such great things with his life and I still trying to shoot my shot. He’s up there in the industry and it’s hard to get his attention. But should I even try? #shootyourshot2018? Should I just let this dream go? Thoughts? 

#shootyourshot2018
what's the worse thing that can happen? he leaves your DM on read?

if that's the case, you'll survive – i promise.

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Small Talk

Small Talk 004: Forever with us

It's been a little while since I've felt a real loss, and the feeling is such a blend of unwelcomed nostalgia + a reality check + reflective moments of one's self and one's surroundings.

This morning, my team and I were told that one of our photographers had passed away last night.

sigh.

As my former manager put on a brave face and choked back a few tears to comfort us with as much information as she had, it was difficult for me to comprehend what was happening. Although I've dealt with death over the years, especially in ways that vary from my own father passing to a friend taking his own life only hours after I had chat with him, it is still never a feeling that I can ever understand or process entirely.

unwelcomed nostalgia,
a reality check,
reflective moments of one's self and one's surroundings.

While trying to process the situation and think of his family and his life as we know it, it was clear that this news was affecting more people than one would truly imagine. He wasn't just an employee or a coworker; he had been with the company for over a decade, bringing a fun and positive energy to any and everyone he interacted with, and acting as a mentor to those who seeked guidance from him professionally and personally. Although he probably hated to love it, he was a Work Dad – our Work Dad.

unwelcomed nostalgia,
a reality check,
reflective moments of one's self and one's surroundings.

On my first day at my new job, a coworker walked me around and gave me a light introduction to a few people we would run into while walking down the hall. We ran into him, and he asked if I'd like a tour of all the photo studios, and he gave me the most extensive walk through of each studio, where the photographers/stylists/models worked, and the lay of the land. I remembered thinking to myself,

"Wow, he really didn't have to go out of his way to show me anything. I'm not working in the studio, and I won't really need to be on this side of the building, but that was really awesome of him."


As I think back on that moment and every other since then, I can only be reminded at how full and pure his heart was. His intentions were always so genuine, and he truly put a smile on my face everytime we chat. It made me realize that those types of interactions are so rare these days, and I am so grateful to have experienced it.

unwelcomed nostalgia,
a reality check,
reflective moments of one's self and one's surroundings.

Most of us mere mortals don't fall under the category of being incredibly rich or smart; we aren't known for inventing anything cool and we're most likely not billionaires.


The marks that we leave in the world won't be immortalized in accolades or accomplishments.
It is how we treat people and how we affect their lives that'll leave us to be unforgotten.

Feeling helpless as I saw coworkers who were under him look absolutely destroyed, there is no doubt that his presence will be Forever with us. Matt, I really hope you're eating a box of Twinkies up there and snapping as many pics as possible so that one day, we can all join you and take a look at how far we've come.

 

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Over Thinking

Over Thinking 009: Alcohol Makes Me Less Awk, 32 YO Male Chinese-American Struggle, & Once A Cheater

If you're still not familiar with the Over Thinking series, click here to familiarize yourself.

Hello, is this thing on?

It's me, Christina!

Remember?

Yes, yes, it's been a while, but I feel like I've strayed away from my writing as of late, and I'm just trying to recenter myself. It's not that I've been off center; rather, I feel like I've just developed a new equilibrium

and am trying to find that new balance
(not the Nikes). 

I'm so grateful for all the new followers I've gained this past year, and I forget that people are new and haven't gotten the chance to get vulnerable with me. After having posted it on my Instagram last week, I felt like I pressed the refresh button on my blog, my open mind, and my open heart.

There were a ton of new vulnerabilities submitted, and I promise I'll get to all of them in the next few posts. With that, let's get into some of your anonymous thoughts and questions!

 

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Life

Consistency vs. Intensity

I was standing in line at Starbucks and scrolling through the plethora of videos on my FB feed because that's basically what FB is, am I right?! Usually, I don't watch or stream any videos because I'm not on an unlimited data plan and am constantly paying $15/month extra for those overage charges (oops), but I had already connected to that free wifi, so I felt like a video-watching baller.

I then came across this video:

I nodded along after every sentence, as I believed in it as well. It's not about the intensity; it's about the consistency of the little things that accumulate over time. And no, we aren't talking about the little materialistic things (although stacks on stacks on staaaaacks of Gucci bags are nice tbh).

We're talking about the small gestures,
the unspoken acts of kindness,
the sweet moments of give and take, with you altruistically and unknowingly giving much more than taking.

 

I went through the comments per usual, and scrolled through waaaaay more negative feedback than I would have imagined. To me, the argument of consistency versus intensity seemed, well… 

obvious,

but to quite a few others, it wasn't as black and white as such.

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Over Thinking

Over Thinking 008: Post-Grad Crises, Career Choices, & My Soundcloud is FIRE

If you're still not familiar with the Over Thinking series, click here to familiarize yourself.

Where in the world did February go? Or January, for that matter? 

I'm beginning to really identify with people who tell me that time really flies once you get into your mid-late 20s. Quarters/semesters in high school and college used to feel like they

d r a g g e d  o n  &  o n  &  o n . . .

and now, I can barely remember where the days/weeks/months have gone. Yikes.

In any case, that is no excuse for me leaving your questions + thoughts unanswered, so I will do my best to keep up a more regular schedule. I've noticed that a bunch of these questions are always centered around two things: 

confidence and careers

I've written a post on confidence (or rather, conning yourself into thinking you're confident), but maybe a career post (or video!) will be coming soon! In the meantime, let me answer some of your questions that have been collecting dust in my ask box! 
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Life

2017 Goal Recap: Get a Raise/Find a New Job, Create Consistently, & Help Others re: Resumes, Cover Letters, Personal Statements

If you're reading this, it's too late (sorry, I couldn't resist finishing the sentence like that even though it's 400% irrelevant). Ok, but seriously, if you're reading this, you've either been redirected from my Modern Love post, or you just found this because of the very enticing title — and by enticing, I mean the run-on sentence of a title because succintness has never really been my thing. 

The goals are in the first 1:30, so you can stop after that, unless you want to watch my year of ratchetness. Be my guest, but just make sure to come back here!

So, did I get everything done? Let's break it down – but quickly, because we all have shit to do (or do we). 

 

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Uncategorized

Modern Love

At the beginning of 2017, I made a short video lying in bed with some fairly realistic goals to start off my year. Throughout my highs and lows of 2017, I found myself remembering that video and those goals, reminding myself that I had some work to do and to not let the January 1st, 2017 version of myself down.

My goals were simple: 

  1. Write at least 1 blog post every two weeks on my personal blog
  2. Get a pay raise or start a new job
  3. Submit a piece of writing to the New York Times
  4. Hang out with more people one on one (and make them play Pie Face)
  5. Help as many people as possible with things involving writing

 

They were all fairly easy.

Ok jk they totally weren't, and I was going to give a quick overview here, but as I started to develop a little on each topic, the post got longer and longer, so click here for a separate post on a brief overview of my goals and how they were/weren't achieved. 

A good way to set goals for yourself, both long-term and short, is to set realistic goals for yourself; there's no way I'm going to learn how to be invisible by the end of the year, so I'm probably not going to set a goal as "Learn how to be invisible," unless I'm talking about being invisible in a social setting, like metaphorically, in which case, ok maybe. However, setting a goal that isn't impossible but is challenging enough, and is well within your Zone of Proximal Development (ayeee Masters Degree in work okaaaay), is optimal. 

And long story short, I kind of achieved all or parts of each goal that I set for myself…

except for one.

 

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Over Thinking

Over Thinking 007: Feeling SINGLE AF, Going Through Your S.O.’s Phone, & Seeking Help

If you're still not familiar with the Over Thinking series, click here to familiarize yourself.

Old blog, who dis? 

Ok but in all honesty, I apologize deeply; I quit my job and started a new one, I have been trying to vlog once a week and create some video content here and there, and I'm just tired.

Like all the time. 
IT IS THE WORST. 

 

However, that is no excuse, so let's get to your anonymous submissions! 
 

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Over Thinking

Over Thinking 006: Asian Fetishes, Insecurities in Your Relationship, & Feeling Untalented AF.

If you're still not familiar with the Over Thinking series, click here to familiarize yourself.

Sorry for the delay to all who submitted since like, May or something. Seriously, I was trying to produce content and then I started vlogging and didn't want to spam your feeds with so much content every week, sigh. Enough with the excuses, let's just get right into it!

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Life

Friends in the Work Place — How to Put the “Work” in Co-WORKer

Working with friends sounds like a dream: you have someone to bitch about your boss with, you have the same schedules (meaning the same free time for happy hours), and — most importantly —

you have someone to sit with at lunch.

With the good times come the bad, of course, and you might find yourself in a situation where your friend isn't putting in the work, your friend is making you look bad by association, or your friend is making you be the bad guy. Here's a textual situation I received from someone who hired her friend at the company she works at:

Animated GIF  - Find & Share on GIPHY

Yikes.

 

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