Assholes Finish First.

For the past few weeks, I just have been overwhelmed with guys who are, in basic terms, the rudest pieces of shits..

Yet I find myself still interested in their friendshits, companionshits, and relationshits.

But at a certain level, it gets frustrating and annoying; every one needs a little confirmation that this assholery is just a front. The level of douchiness was getting a bit too extreme for me, to the point where I couldn’t quite accept it as a joke anymore.

I had to have a pep talk with myself:

“Self, why are you dealing with this?”

“Self, you should try to play hard to get.”

“Self, you don’t need someone who is so mean to you in your life!”

“Self, don’t you dare text him.”

And then I text him because I apparently have no self control… and he’s still an asshole, and I tell myself,

“Self, you’re dumb.”

So what is it that attracts us weak females to these assholes? Could it be the looks that just blind us? The personality? The car he drives? The food he buys us?

Let me tell you what I figured out. 


We go and we try to break through to these assholes as much as we can. We shower them with love, with cute little jokes, with a lot of, “OMG sTahhHP Being so0o0o mean to me!” We put up with all of this, all of the denied attempts at being nice, all of the rude behavior because…

because it’s slightly rewarding when we break through to them. That moment when he stops being mean and smiles, or he breaks out of it real quick and asks you how your day actually was, or when he reminds you that he still needs to take you out for drinks.

It’s like that one teacher you have in high school, the one that picks on you non stop for no particular reason, the one that makes you answer the questions you didn’t raise your hand for, the one that gives you an A- instead of the A that was probably only .5% away. And then you ask that teacher finally, “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME. I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG BUT TRIED TO LEARN DAMMIT.” And the teacher tells you, in private, that he/she is just pushing you to be the best student you can be because he/she sees so much potential in you.

And then you feel this awesome moment of recognition… followed by the continuance of this behavior the next day.

THAT moment is the moment you wait for, that you work hard for, that once you get it, you forget about everything he said to you — when he called you dumb, didn’t text you back after you asked him a legitimate question, flaked on you for lunch.. for the 3rd time — and remember that he is still the friend you know and love.

But why should you be giving him the benefit of the doubt so many times? Why can’t you just tell him that he’s an asshole and let him talk to you? Because you think he won’t come back to you? He won’t miss you? He won’t feel bad for how he treats you 98% of the time?

If that’s the case… well he isn’t such a good friend then, is he?

“He’s just like that, but he really cares about me actually!”

“He is really nice though, and I know he’s just doing it out of love.”

“He actually is really protective of me.”

“He is really hot though…”

Excuses make YOU finish last, but make the ASSHOLES finish first.

The only solution I have to this problem is to be a SASSHOLE myself.


One response to “Assholes Finish First.”

  1. Glad, you figured this out. I’ve been trying to get this idea through to some female friends of mine.

    It reminds me of a romantic version of Stockholm syndrome.


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