Long story medium, I used to be involved with a guy who wound up having a girlfriend the entire time. What a plot twist, am I right?

Following the news, a lot of my anger and frustration were directed towards him, but at one point, I had to park the car and put it in reverse and reexamine the situation.

I was friends with his friends long before I met him — why didn’t they do anything to help fix this terrible situation? 

I took many normal things into consideration:

  • They were closer to him – both in friendship and in proximity.
  • They knew the girlfriend.

I knew these factors could be put into play, and I accepted it for what it was worth.

After months had passed, I ran into one of our mutual friends at one of those “electronic dance music gatherings.” As the music took over and I was hit with the feels, I beckoned for the friend and whispered into his ear aka I screamed over the bass and it was still 250% inaudible.

Hey, how come you never advised your boy not to be such a shady fucker? Didn’t you feel bad for me or for his girlfriend or even for his future karma points?! I was honestly kind of upset at you but I got over it and just became more curious as to why you didn’t try to help your friend do the right thing…

Even in my ecstatic state of mind, I was still able to think realistically, already expecting an answer centered around the normal things I had taken into consideration previously. However, he answered:

I can’t tell him what to do; he’s an adult and can make his own decisions. 

*Cue the tires screeching*

For some reason, I truly did not expect that answer in the slightest, regardless of what state of mind I was in.

What is a friend, if not someone to laugh with, live with, and grow with? For me, I know that I look to my friends for guidance, as part of a whole moral compass showing compassion and care in order to point me due Kimye’s daughter. I know that I can rely on my friends to be real with me if what I’m doing is a great accomplishment or a poor decision that’ll reflect terribly in the long run. And these roles of friendship are transferrable, of course.

It’s one thing to stand up to a stranger, but it’s another to stand up to someone you love, but isn’t that what friendship is for?

If your friend is going down the rabbit hole, aren’t you interested in accompanying him down the hole or offering to throw a rope down in order to help him out?

Perhaps I’m being naive, or perhaps I’m giving others more benefit of the doubt than they deserve (which is very possible because that happens 25/8), but I can’t get this out of my head.

If you don’t feel the need to help lead your friend on the right path, what’s the point of being friends?

In conclusion, 

If your friend was doing something pretty awful (ranging in anything from cheating to being an alcoholic or drug addict), where would you step in, if at all? Or is it not your place?

I need answers. 

5 responses to “#FriendshipRoles”

  1. This kind of thing happened with my roommate in college. I saw her cheat on her boyfriend by sleeping with another guy and the next day I confronted her about it. I’m not very close to her or her boyfriend but I think just seeing that type of stuff happening kind of makes you an accomplice or even just going along with it shows the cheater that what they’re doing is ok. Some cheaters don’t even realize what they’re doing is wrong and need someone else to tell them. I think more people should be like a conscience to their friends. Being a good influence and steering them away from trouble is what friends are for. You can’t ultimately tell them what to do but tell them what they’re doing is wrong.


    1. “you cant ultimately tell them what to do but tell them what they’re doing is wrong.”

      exactly. and also, i feel you on that guilty accomplice conscious, i would definitely feel the same way. and i’ve recently been enlightened on the notion that some cheaters don’t even realize what they’re doing is wrong; i’ve been pretty ignorant thinking that everyone should know that cheating is bad, so i can definitely understand that reality a bit better (though it’s like seriously how can you not think cheating on someone is bad.. i dont get it -_-).

      thanks for your comment, your confrontational skills, and your wise words!!


  2. What a thing to go through! At least you were able to pick yourself back up, it is hard for people to do that after that sort of experience. This guy’s friends weren’t truly his friends if they let him go down the wrong path. Friends are second family. Family is meant to look out for one another and help each other through and out of tough situations. Bad family lets things be. Bad friends let things be. I believe part of this mentality has come from this “I can live my life the way I want and screw anyone who tries to judge me” mentality. People are so easily offended that they can’t take useful criticism or advice because it interferes with their lifestyle. On the other side, people don’t want to correct others because it might hurt the other’s feelings or the bond with the other. Silence is not gold in this atmosphere, it is corrosive.
    Overall, I agree that the friends did not have the correct mentality when it came down to the moment. From a manhood point of view, that kind of behavior grants the provoking of their man cards. Men are supposed to look out for one another and build each other up into strong figures. But when one man lets another man’s structure keep its weakness, the first man is doing a disservice to his fellow man and to himself. It displays weakness on both sides and keeps its alive.
    I hope you keep your head high and continue to move on forward! Be optimistic and you will live a better life and in a better world! Take care!


    1. hi jeremiah! i totally agree on your concept of people being easily offended these days, and people not wanting to correct behavior. it’s hard to stick up to your friends, but in the end, if your friend isn’t taking your love and guidance into thought, it says more about your friend’s character than about yours! and it totally goes both ways; don’t provide useless feedback and criticism to your friend either.

      thanks for all the words of wisdom, and i wish nothing but awesome vibes from you and for you to spread your rationale to all your homies, cause i feel like you’re doing a great job anyway!!


  3. omg ok at first i thought you wrote ‘cheater peter’ because the guy i tagged in the photo on instagram was named peter but he’s just the photographer of that pic, but then i realized you were just saying ‘cheater peter’ as we say ‘negative nancy’ or ‘debbie downer’ hahha PHEW!

    i definitely love friends like you, the friends who tell it how it is. unfortunately, i’m a sucker most of the time and can’t stand up for myself (not in situations of morals but in others where i’m clearly a victim but too much of a loser to notice hahha) but it’s friends like you who can help defend me and see my self worth.



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