Okay, so there really isn’t a good way to break up with someone,
but there sure are a lot of dumb ass ways to do it.
In continuation of The Ex Files: Break Ups Vol. I, here are more delightful stories of friends getting dumped by some shitty ass people!
Was Your Ex Really Better Than Your Next?
“I once got a phone call from my ex girlfriend telling me that my current girlfriend wanted to break up… so…”
— II
Alienate Yourself.
“First year of college, I’m with my GF that I met from high school. She’s very religious; I’m not. At the time, I was trying to learn about her religion because I know it was important to her, but also, I was really into learning about aliens/ghosts.
Fast-forward to us in a movie, and this part of a preview comes on:
Her: Wow I wonder what’s in that train
Me: Aliens obv.
Her: They don’t exist!!!
Me: There’s more proof of aliens than there is for your God!
— AO
Eur-on Your Own.
“I had a 6am flight to Europe 2 days after graduation and was really stressed out while packing cause of family shit, so I asked my now ex to come over to help me pack and destress etc. and he’s like yeah I’ll come over. Drives from Irvine.
Oh this is like at midnight.
Okay so he comes over, helps me pack — everything is normal. It’s like 2am and I’m like okay let’s take a nap, then we can go to the airport. And he goes hold on don’t go to sleep yet and breaks up with me.
Then I take my nap and get on my flight to Europe lol, after of course kicking him out.”
— ER
Addicted To Love.
“Around 3 years ago, I found this horrible boy off tinder and we dated a few (5) months and I thought he was a pretty stand up dude (he was ginger, shouldn’t have trusted him). He comes over to my house one night to tell me he was a closet cocaine addict and needed to seek help,
and also, he was breaking up with me.
LOL WHAT.
I was shocked and felt super ignorant because I didn’t notice any of the signs..or maybe he was just high af since I met him and I thought it was normal. Lesson learned: don’t go on tinder, especially since I dated another tinder boy after that and #muchregret.”
— EE
I Was Just Her Teenage Dream Tonight.
“When I was a senior in high school, I ‘dated’ a freshman for a month. It was weird and we didn’t even make out or anything. She was dope, esp for her age, and she thought I was dope, or so I thought, and that was really all there was to it, besides a whole lot of awkwardness. I still really think she’s a pretty cool person to this day. But after a month of weirdly dating, I got my wisdom teeth out. The day after getting my wisdom teeth out, my mom wouldn’t let me take any Vicodin and I was in extreme pain watching something on my tv. That day I get a text from her.
Have you ever seen the music video ‘Thinking of You’ by Katy Perry?
What?
And she proceeds to tell me that when she’s with me she’s thinking about my best friend. Over text message. While I’m on my couch with an ice cloth thing wrapped around my whole head. It wasn’t all that heart-breaking but it was pretty dramatic and super mind-blowing. Oh, and this was like 6 months after my first girlfriend left me for my best friend.”
— YE
5 Years is the Breakup Anniversary, Right?
“I came down to SD for our 5 year anniversary, and we went to Roy’s Restaurant (not too expensive, but still nice to be fancy). Ate dinner (I paid), then went home and laid in bed. It was quiet. I asked, you don’t love me anymore do you? And then he cried, we had sex, and afterwards, he said he couldn’t do it anymore and dumped me. 4 weeks later, he’s hanging out with my friend from high school. (Well, they were hanging out before he broke up with me… he just didn’t want to admit something was happening). They’ve been together ever since.”
— OW
Face to Facebook
“Girl wants to take a break, so I’m like, uggh sure, whatever that means. So then we still proceed to talk to each other every day and this drags on for like 4 months or something. All the time in between, she’s still talkin to me like we still together somewhat — we never really giving much clarity on the situation. Then outta nowhere when I playfully ask about the whole situation, she just drops the bomb saying she’s moved on. In my head, I’m like THIS INFORMATION WOULD HAVE BEEN USEFUL TO ME 4 MONTHS AGO BUT OK.
Mind you, this is all done through FB chat.
Double mind you, we used to live together, like this was someone I was with for over a year, and she breaks up with me like that? It’s 2016. Fuckin Google Hangout me or something.”
— IT
And one bad dump-er story, of course:
“I had a girlfriend in early high school that I honestly didn’t even want to be with, but I was shy and bad at saying no, so I obviously said yes when she asked to be my girlfriend in front of all our friends. I dodged all her phone calls — we went to different schools so I was pretty good at never seeing her.
I remember she would even call my friends so they could pass the phone to me — and even my friends were like wtf we’re not going to talk to her — she’s YOUR girlfriend.
But yeah things just kept on like that for a few months until she stopped trying eventually.
I literally never talked to her.
Never broke up with her.
So I technically have a girlfriend somewhere out there…”
— UJ
have you ever gotten dumped/dumped someone in a pretty shitty way? comment below/message me for inclusion in vol. iii!
Oh, and if you’re thinking about breaking it off with someone by ghosting them, consider reading this first.
underqualified as f_ck 
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